Gary Busey just snapped some Suit’s neck in a restaurant, starting off this episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. How will Walker follow that up? By volunteering at the Special Olympics with Dion Sanders. You can’t get more juxtaposed than that.

Oh no, you won’t win a race by stopping to help someone who falls over for no reason. This episode has already taught me so much!

If you note the title of this episode, it is “special” witness. Will I be able to watch this whole episode without saying “retarded?” Whoops, I just failed.

Oh, I should get a beer ready. Otherwise, I won’t be prepared to drink when I see a roundhouse kick to the head.

Gary Busey is a killer for hire who loves milk. That seems very similar to The Professional. He probably won’t have a confusing love relationship with a young Natalie Portman.

Oh no! Gary Buesy is dressed up as a priest! Here comes the killing right in front of the “special” girl. There was some roundhouse kicking, but it wasn’t done by Chuck Norris. I don’t know how Chuck Norris is going to feel about that.

Sloppy ol’ Gary Buesy. He didn’t finish the job. Probably because he didn’t have enough calcium in his system. Calcium gives him super powers, I have decided.

Gary Buesy said “retarded,” not me. That means it is okay for me to use it without quotation marks. Looks like his employer wants Gary Buesy to kill the retarded girl. Is it wrong to want to see that happen?

Carlos, Walker’s friend, just punched his hand through the dry wall at a hospital. That is terribly unproductive.

Chuck Norris looks like a monkey. Not as much as Ron Perlman does, but still pretty close.

Wow, Retarded Girl did a fantastic job with the police sketch artist. That looks just like Gary Buesy. Maybe she really is special.

There is a very liberal use of slow motion in this show. Not the “favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others” kind of liberal. That would be weird. I would like to see a proposal to push a bill for more slow motion through congress.

Walker is walking…is that right? That sounds funny. Anyway, Walker is walking into a rough bar. There must certainly be a roundhouse kick to the head coming.

1….wow, I didn’t have to count that high. Only 1 roundhouse kick to the head? This show is not living up to its reputation.

Dave Attell’s words come true! It is always the joggers that find the dead bodies. The body? The police sketch artist. Killed with a single stab wound to the chest. There is lots of stabbing this episode, but very few kicks to the head.

2! 3! 4! 4 roundhouse kicks to the head! I feel like the count from Sesame Street. Ah ah ah! Gary Buesy went down. Done in by Retarded Girl’s excellent memory and cheetah like speed.

Oh man, there is a “Walkerthon” this Memorial Day. I’m so glad that I’m taking Memorial Day off.

Justice was served, roundhouse kicks were received, beer was drunk. What more could you ask from an hour of cable television reruns?