I’m watching Supernatural again this week, surprise surprise. It involves clowns and Wisconsin. John Wayne Gacy, anyone? Okay, that was Illinois. It was pretty close. Oh man, this show is so freaking creepy sometimes. You never let a clown that no one else can see into your house in the middle of the night.

Sean is burning their father’s dead body. What was his name again? Jennifer? Something with a J. Janice. Julia?

Getting a tip from their dead father’s phone, Sean takes a minivan to see one of their dad’s old friends in a rundown saloon. Here they meet a fellow named Ash. This isn’t Bruce Campbell, but a cut off sleeve wearing mullet rocker. Sorry, I take that back. No one can rock a mullet.

Back to the clown, it murdered a little girl’s parents but let her alive. Clowns hate adults. Everyone hates adults though, all oppressive and stuff.

A little boy with Nintendo DS in hand is walking around a fun house. He is totally playing Donkey Kong on his DS. That game is so not out for the DS. And now his parents are dead.

The clown ripped the parents to shreds. Shreds! That’s difficult to do, unless you are put through a combine or thresher or something.

The solution? Sean became a carnie! Seriously. That way they can sulk around the carnival and eat cotton candy from the trash without anyone giving them a second look.

Rock salt doesn’t kill clowns, but they sure don’t like it. No one likes being hit in the chest with rock salt. Actually, that probably isn’t true. But I’m not about to go into the darker regions of the internet to find this person.

The clown is some mythical Hindu thing. It eats human flesh and can’t enter a home unless invited in. The ultimate party guest, if you remove the first part about eating flesh.

The blind knife thrower is the killer clown. Obviously. Didn’t you learn anything from Ray Charles, the ultimate Hindu killer clown?

Wow, there was a two minutes battle with the clown and now it’s another commercial. I don’t like very much, the CW. I don’t like that very much at all.

Oh, the clown is dead. That seemed too be over rather quickly. Now they have ten minutes to talk to mullet man about demons and deal with their own emotions. I can deal with those on my own.

Supernatural starts its new season tonight. The first season ended on a somewhat half hearted note. This episode seems to pick up well enough though, right where we left off. After a semi rammed Sean’s car, with dad inside too.

Dean is okay and walking around. Wait, scratch that. Dean is lying in a hospital bed, but he is also standing up and looking down at himself. Something, I dare say, isn’t right here.

Sam is okay, their dad is okay, and Dean suffered serious trauma. I can’t call them Sean if one is awake and one is in a little mini sort of coma.

Daddy Sean is worried about his precious gun, and not his dying son. That rhymes. Maybe a character will make a rap about it.

Ooooh, Sean’s dad wanted a bunch of supplies to summon a demon to the hospital, not ward it off. Poppy wants a showdown. And Dean just “Swayzed” a glass to the ground. If they are summoning a demon, that means someone could still die! Yippie!

“If I can grab it, I can kill it.” If someone ever says that to you, run away.

Dean has an almost dead friend to keep him company as he tries to figure out what is going on. There is a scary ghost who likes to be around dying people too. It doesn’t talk and also has breasts. So, almost the perfect women. Except it is a ghost.

Haha, just kidding. Ladies should be able to vote. I will see to it.

Sam just used an Ouija board to talk to Dean. It wasn’t like the pottery scene in Ghost, but what is?

Reaper! The almost dead girl that Dean is hanging out with is a reaper in disguise. This show likes to use pretty girls as bad guys in disguise.

Sean’s dad, you just had to go and summon the demon of all demons, didn’t you? He’s making a deal with the devil now. Literally. There are not too many times that that phrase can be taken literally.

Oh no, Daddy Sean is going to trade places with Dean! That will be his deal with the demon, and he will die! I’m calling that!

The demon just took over the reaper’s body, which is a no-no. No matter, Dean is awake. What of daddy? We’ll see if I am right, after the break of course.

Dean doesn’t remember anything that happened while he was out of his body, now that he is better. And daddy is alive. Boo, I hate being wrong. Almost as much as I coconut. Man, coconut is awful.

Pop Pop had to trade the magic “kill anything” gun to the demon to save Dean, but he had to do more than that. But what? What did he do? What is he doing? Why is he doing?

He whispered it to Dean! What did he whisper? Tell us!

He’s dead! I win! Now that is how you start a season. Are you listening to me, One Tree Hill? This show is great.

The last rerun of Supernatural before the new season starts right now. I will finally be caught up with everyone else, with some gaps to fill in with the DVDs. That’ll be like an extra treat.

Meg, the demon’s skinny little messenger, has Sean’s father. It’s time to get ready for a big battle. Sean and Sean are getting help from their dad’s friends. It’s easy to catch a demon. You simply trap it in a special circle. I knew there was a reason I shouldn’t trust circles. I will no longer use the letter O.

The magic O trapped Meg! Good work, fellas. The windows and doors have been salted, so the folks inside can not get assaulted. That’s how I remember the salt trick. No it’s not. I’m lying for no reason.

Sean is super mad this episode! Lots a teeth gritting and deep voice talking. And the exorcism of Meg. You don’t do that because you think it would be a fun idea. This is serious business. Like deciding to get your ears pierced. You don’t just go to Claire’s and get it done. You need to sit down and talk your mother into it. You need to show that you can handle responsibility.

Meg is still alive, barely, after the demon is taken out of her. Whoops, now she’s dead. The demon was the only thing keeping her alive, after she was thrown out of a window and also shot. She probably drank some poison for the hell of it too. Who wouldn’t?

Who knew demons could be outdone by so many symbols? Just like someone who can’t do long division. Demons are the kids that try and cheat off of you in math class.

Now Sean is dressed like a firefighter. It’s a bulky outfit though. Sorry, ladies.

Sean found their father in an apartment building full of people. People that can and will be possessed by demons.

Two bullets left in the gun of magic. They should try some other magic tricks to try and stop these demons. Perhaps if they pulled a rabbit out of a hat. A rabbit made of rock salt and symbols.

Sean and their father escaped to a cabin in the woods. Whose cabin? What woods? I don’t know. It’s just there. Accept it, like you accept that something can come from nothing.

Too bad Sean’s father is possessed by a demon. That puts a damper on things.

The demon is going on in some dramatic monologue. This is a little corny. Sure, we’re getting some information out of it, but it doesn’t feel very intense.

There was some shooting. The big bad demon left the dad’s body as dad begged Sean to shoot him to kill the demon. Now the demon that killed Sean’s mother is gone like a Fox sitcom, swept under the floorboards.

Oh no! I didn’t see that truck coming, and neither did Sean. I hope Sean’s father died in the crash. I love the drama that is created when grand gestures, like not shooting your father to kill a demon, are negated. If only you could go back and pull that trigger, Sean! If only!

Still, only an okay episode for a season finale. The bad boys better bring it next week.

This episode of Supernatural starts out in Blue Earth, Minnesota. Hey, that’s two hours from where I am right now! Wow, the priests in Blue Earth have dungeons full of weapons! I’ll keep that in mind if I go down to see the Jolly Green Giant and he suddenly comes to life.

Salvation, Iowa, is where the next signs of demons are taking place. You see, before a 6 month old’s mother is pinned to the ceiling and lit on fire, a demon needs a week of cattle mutilation and electrical storm appetizers.

The Sean boy is looking for all the babies who will be 6 months old in the next week. While doing this, Sean gets a vision of the next demon victim. This is all while Sean is flirting with a pretty girl. The other Sean. The Dean Sean, not the Sam Sean.

Meg, the cute tool of the big bad demon, killed the priest at the beginning. I would have mentioned that before, but I didn’t remember her name. Meg is going around killing John’s friends. John is Sean’s father. He has a magic gun that can kill anything, and the demon isn’t a fan of that. You see, the demon is included in anything. So the gun could kill the demon.

Meg is splitting up the boys and their father, by forcing the father to Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln. He has written a speech that he needs John’s thoughts on. With A-Coln taking up John’s time, Sean has to fight the demon by himself.

John brought a fake gun that sort of maybe looks like the “can kill anything” gun if you squint and have no eyes. Meg isn’t going to be happy. But who would be, with a demon inside of them? Maybe one of the Three Stooges. The fourth one.

How do you tell if a gun that kills everything isn’t a fake? Shoot something. If something survives, it’s a fake. Oh John, you’re in trouble now. But turning all the water in the warehouse to holy water saved him! Hooray John. But they slashed his tires. Oh John.

Sean saved the 6 month old baby and mother. Barely. There were lots of explosions and one gunshots. Now the magic gun has only three bullets left with which to kill everything. Can you kill everything in the world with three bullets? Let’s ask a JFK assassination conspiracy theorist.

Meg has their dad’s phone! Oh no! To be continued? Will she use up all his minutes or not? I’m nervous!

Join the discussion on this episode of Supernatural on the message board.

Parental discretion is advised for this episode of Supernatural. Probably because it starts off in Colorado. You know what the Rocky Mountains remind young boys of.

A quiet old man, sitting at a bar, doesn’t look too kindly on a pack of young people who stumble into the bar. It is because of the loud rock and roll that they love so much, and because they enjoy living through a nice knife through the heart. Who wouldn’t enjoy that? Knives suck.

Sean is on the case. They love living through deep wounds, be they emotional or the kind with blood and bone.

Surprise! Sean’s dad showed up. The old mauled man was a friend of his. It’s easy to say you are the friend of an old dead man. They aren’t alive to say “no you aren’t.”

The young punks were actually vampires. They are now in possession of a very important gun. I bet that makes all the other guns feel bad. Don’t worry, guns. You are all special in your own way.

Sean didn’t think that vampires existed. Not that they never ever existed, but because they were hunted to extinction. But they weren’t, just like the coelacanth.

Vampires seem like normal people, except for all the blood drinking. It’s our own fault, really. We could meet them half way. One weekend it’s a glass of red wine, the other it’s a chalice of B negative.

There are a lot of untrue myths about vampires, in the Supernatural universe. They are just fine with the sun. Crosses make a nice fashion accessory. Stakes don’t kill them.

That being said, taking off their heads ends their undead party. And that special, just like everyone else, gun? It might be able to kill anything. Even a small child’s dream of being an astronaut.

Vampires sleep in hammocks too. That might be a personal choice, like growing a mullet.

Once a vampire gets your scent, it has it forever. Don’t worry, though. A dead man’s blood is like poison to a vampire. So many rules! I can’t possibly remember all of this. I’m as good as dead.

There are a lot of emotions this episode, which is fine. I’m not about to describe them to you though.

Vampires are chasing papa Sean in his truck. Can you see vampires in your rear view mirror?

Wee-yow, that special gun does some damage to heads that get in its way. I’d hate to see what happens to tin can that crosses the gun’s owner.

Aww, Sean and their father each find a little more respect for each other. This means they’re going to hold hands and kill a big bad demon together. Maybe they won’t hold hands.

But maybe they will!

It is time once again for one of my new favorite shows, Supernatural. Join me as we discover supernatural mysteries along with Dean and Sam, who I call Sean. Is that clear? Good, because it’s time to travel to Richardson, Texas two months ago.

Some fool kids have stumbled upon what looks to be the cabin from Evil Dead. Since they were looking for it at night, they were wise and only brought one flashlight. I mean, they were stupid and only brought one flashlight. That is enough to combat a freshly hung corpse in the root cellar of Satan’s house.

As fun as it may seem, never go trick or treating to Satan’s house. He only gives out pennies and pencils.

Sean is starting a prank war with himself, which will add a nice subtext to the episode.

The kids from Satan’s house logged their thoughts at HellHoundsLair.com. The house eats women and hangs them. I think Jay-Z does that too. He might have a website somewhere.

Supposedly, the hell house belonged to a farmer who ran out of food or some such thing, so he murdered his daughters. That way they wouldn’t suffer by starving to death. I gather that the farmer lived before the time of DVD players, so he couldn’t rent Alive.

Sean ran into the HellHoundsLair.com webmasters at the hell house. They are doing their own investigation, and smoking pot. Not in that order. The other order.

Some random girl was dared to grab a jar from the hell house cellar. My heart is actually beating kind of fast. It is spooky. Then the dead farmer strung her up. He was laughing a little. The HellHoundsLair.com guys must have left some of their pot behind.

Sean uses his brain and brings one flashlight, but two shotguns. Two shotguns equal a billion flashlights. Now you know, incase you get a question like that on the SATs.

Aside from the short length of rope for hanging women folk, the farmer keeps an axe for the fellas. Emily Post probably wrote something about that in her etiquette guide.

The local record shop employee created the mystery of the hell house. He fabricated the first hung girl and the satanic symbols painted all over it. The dead farmer decided to stop letting the no good punks running on his lawn have all the fun, and helped himself to a heaping helping of terror.

Sam came out of the shower with just a towel on. Enjoy that, ladies.

The farmer came to life because of a symbol painted on the hell house wall. With enough concentration and belief, it has been known to bring golems and spirits to life. With the website, there is a lot of concentration and belief on the hell hosue. I wonder how I can hook Make Me Watch TV up with that kind of power. Can you folks believe me up a mansion? Thanks in advance.

The ghost changes according to what people read and believe on the website. Being the smart lad he is, Sean got the HellHoundsLair.com boys to put up a story about the ghost’s weakness on their website. This actually created the weakness in the spirit. That is smart writing.

The website crashed on the brothers, so the posted story didn’t take. Sean wasn’t aware of this when they went back to the hell house, guns blazing. Solution? Burn the house down. How can a ghost sleep when his beds are burning? How can he dance while the Earth is turning?

The episode ends with the HellHoundsLair.com boys driving off to a movie deal in Hollywood that doesn’t exist. We all feel like we’re doing that sometimes, don’t we? Awww, that’s deep. I know. I said it.

Thank you, Supernatural fans, for voting. Time for another week of freaky terror.

If your MP3 player stops working in the middle of a creepy ally, you run. It doesn’t matter if you look stupid. Just run. There is something after you. Monsters hate music. They really hate dancing. Especially Frankenstein. His joints are so stiff.

I guess it doesn’t matter if you run away from the ally. The smoke monster man will still paint the walls with your blood.

Sam and Dean, who I refer to as Sean, are posing as alarm system workers to find out more about the smoke monster. The thing tore this poor MP3 girl apart and stole her heart. Stole her heart in the bad way, where it gets taken out of the body.

The hitchhiker that Sam met when running away from Dean is in town. She actually speaks to demons in goblets of blood she collects from old men in pickup trucks. So, not the kind of girl you’d bring home to mother.

Sam, as taken as he is by the blood spilling girl Meg, thinks something is up with her. That is what is really nice about this show. The characters don’t play dumb for our benefit.

Someone is controlling a “demon of darkness.” You know, as opposed to a “demon of happiness and real looking fake flowers.”

Sam climbed up an open elevator shaft to spy on Meg, who was speaking into her favorite goblet of blood. Goblets are for drinking from, not making calls to demons. Unless you have a flat. Then you need to call for help somehow.

Both of the demon victims were from Lawrence, KS. That’s where Sean’s mother died, from what I can gather.

The brothers are hiding in the warehouse with the demon altar. There are also mannequins all over, which is creepy. The shadowy demons who ripped into the brothers is also a little creepy too. It’s a toss up, really.

The boys wake up tied to some supporting columns. It was a trap. Not for the boys though, for their father. This show makes me feel dumb, which is nice. I don’t see what is coming next, even though I should sometimes.

Is a girl all up on you and saying, “Let’s get married, let’s have a baby, let’s talk?” Just tip over her evil altar and invisible demons will come to throw her out the window. Problem solved.

Sean’s father showed up to say some emotional stuff and give the boys ice cream. Not really about the ice cream though.

It was still a trap! The girl didn’t die, and she led the demons to the boy’s hotel room. Rascally demons just don’t give up.

Shadow demons don’t like flares. Me neither. I’m all like, “No, I like it in this life raft. We’ve really bonded in the last few weeks at sea.” Flares ruin everything.

The boys and papa split, since daddy is more vulnerable when the boys are near him.

Close up on the girl at the end of the episode, and blackout. Another good episode of Supernatural. This show has a pretty good awesome to suck ratio.

Welcome to the show that I have grown to love, Supernatural. Do you want proof that I love the show? I remember the main character’s names! They are Sam and Dean! I am so proud of myself.

Sam just dreamt about a man who got killed by his car and garage. Sometimes Sam’s dreams come true. Like this time! When the brothers finally get to the mystery man’s house, it is too late. He had been gassed. If your garage ever shuts and also your car starts without you and then the doors lock and also your key snaps off, break out your damn windows!

To get the family of the victim to talk, Sam and Dean dressed as Catholic priests. Don’t worry, they understand that it is wrong. But the garage is killing people. That can’t continue.

Did you know that the balding teenage son found his father in the garage? The receding hairline makes me think he had something to do with it.

Sam and Dean, or Sean as I will now call them, didn’t find anything wrong with the house. No sensor readings or anything.

Oh, hey. Another tip? If your window is mysteriously unlocking itself and opening? Don’t stick your head outside of it to see what is going on. You know that thing is going to come crashing down.

Sean is off to go save Roger Miller, the dead fellow’s brother, from his windowy fate. Yeah, I used windowy as an adjective. Deal with it.

The boys Sean showed up in time to try and stop Roger, but he wouldn’t believe them. Thus, windowy fate occurs.

The balding teenage son named Max seems scared of the family’s old house. The father and brother lived next door to each other, and took turns beating on Max. His step mother watched it all happen too. So Sam gets another one of his visions of Max levitating a knife and flying it through is step mother’s head.

This all leads me back to my earlier point. Never trust a balding teenager.

Sean got there just in time to stop Max from murdering his mother with a knife. But he got freaked out when he saw a gun in Dean’s back pocket. Never bring a gun to a knife fight. Wait, that’s not right.

There is still a large chunk of the show left. Sam, who was having the visions, is trying to talk Max out of killing more people. This seems like a lot of heart to heart for Supernatural. Is this one of those episodes that isn’t so great?

Max’s real mom? She died when Max was a baby. She died in his nursery. She was burnt up. While pinned to the ceiling. There is something fishy about that, but I’m not sure what.

Max just shot Dean through the head. In Sam’s vision, of course. Now Sam will use his new found telekinesis to bust free and stop Max. Hooray! Oh, but Max swung the floating gun around and shot himself in the head. Boo. He was a showoff anyway. I mean, the gun didn’t really need to be floating, did it? It’s a gun. It shoots.

The last 15 minutes of the show was just wrap up. Meh, that wasn’t the best episode. There was a good bit of scary violence, but the rest was a bit whiney. Do better next week, Supernatural.