Ducky over at duckydale.com decided to use a little influence, and whipped up a small campaign to make me watch the finale of So You Think You Can Dance. That’s what happens when people work together. And I’m not talking about buying the world a Coke and sitting around a while.

20 contestants, 6 judges, and 1 host who isn’t dress as atrociously as normal. I don’t think I’ve ever written the word “atrociously.” I quite like it. Don’t make me angry. I might use my new word on you.

So You Think You Can Dance is on for two hours tonight. As with all results shows, it could be over in about five minutes. However, in a similar fashion as ice skating and gymnastics in the Olympics, this is a night of fun and light spirits. The top four contestants get to perform their favorite routines for fun, not having to worry about the opinions of the six judges. This is acceptable. It could still be trimmed down to one hour, but I can’t very well complain a mere 15 minutes into the show.

Benji and Heidi will be dancing the cousin-licious mambo. It’s a good routine with a good song, but made ever creepy by the foreboding cloud of incest that hangs over the duo. It was fun to watch though. People sure can move their bodies in interesting ways.

K-Fed will be performing at the Teen Choice awards this year. Since when do teens like fellows who look like sexual predators? Boy, am I in a state tonight or what? What’s with all the nasty mental images? Maybe a bit of Pepsi Jazz and vodka will calm those demons.

Heidi’s choice of dance was with Travis. It was a give and take sort of dance involving a park bench and a hobo. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a hobo. The dance works much better if you think it is a loveable tramp. Seeing through the beast to the beauty, just like the end of City Lights.

Ciara (don’t ask me who that is, please) showed up to sing and dance. She has a lot of hair that blows around and gets in the way. Half of the routine had her looking like the creepy girl from The Ring.

Donyelle and Benji danced again to their energetic song from Hairspray. Musical composers know what they are doing in regards to sculpting catchy songs. Try and deny that statement! You can’t! You are powerless. And once you understand that you have no power, you are finally free. What? Vodka, this is all your fault!

Where is that mute button? Annie Lenox does not need to assault my ears like this.

There were 60 million votes for the top 4 dancers. But there is no time to dwell on that, the top 20 dancers are dancing like zombies now! I love zombies. In fact, check out what is happening in my home town!

Excuse me while I try and get five minutes of sleep during this montage of people who had been voted off.

Holy crap, after a short little routine, Heidi was let go. We have one hour left to eliminate two more people. That’s one person per half hour.

Fresh from rejection, Heidi is dancing on stage with Travis in his favorite performance of the season. The flamingo. Er, I mean flamenco.

After a short solo, Donyelle is out. That leaves 45 minutes to kick out either Travis or Benji. You are using a full loaf of bread to soak up the last bit of oil from a plate at the fancy Italian restaurant.

Martha and Travis are dancing to Steam Heat. Don’t be confused. They are not performing under the power of steam, like an olde tyme train. That is the name of a song. Anyway, Martha has arms that look like a man’s. It makes me nervous.

Benji and Tavis have both danced solo now. There is nothing left to do but give one of them the boot. But first, Fergie. She provides us with a wonderfully uninspired song and performance to break up the excitement of the season finale.

And then there was a rather boring performance to a Chicago musical number by the top 20 dancers. It’s better to fade away than to burn out?

It’s surprising how similar a made up word like “burgervore” and two separate words like “burger whore” sound. Good work, advertisers for Wendy’s. You really thought that one through.

And the winner of So You Think You Can Dance is Travis! I mean, Benji!

The end.

Do you know what really doesn’t need to be an hour long? Any results show. More specifically, the result show for So You Think You Can Dance.

Giraffe print dress, Cat? You should know when to say “no” to your wardrobe assistants. Or they should know when to say “no” to you.

Ah ha, that’s why it’s one hour. The bottom three couples must all dance solo for the judges tonight.

Oh yeah, montages and recaps too. That’s why the show is an hour long. Lots of montages and recaps.

Did I mention the pausing? There is lots of pausing. “America voted………..you are……………………………………………..safe!”

The dancers still aren’t dancing off! They are still going through who is safe and who isn’t. Maybe I was right about the results show not needing to be more than half an hour. It doesn’t really matter, I guess. I’m stuck either way.

25 minutes into the show, and the bottom 3 couples have finally been narrowed down. My fingernails have been bitten down to the bone! I’m going to sue FOX for a manicure. And mental anguish.

Didn’t Hostess Cup Cakes use to come in packages of two, like PopTarts?

Wait, the bottom three dancers only get about 20 seconds of solo dancing? This show doesn’t need to be longer than 3 minutes long!

All the bottom dancers went solo now. It was pretty boring, like watered down Crystal Lite.

Nelly Furtado and Timberland are performing an uninspired song now. What a boring hour of television!

Now we’re taking another look at their solos. Their solos were only 20 seconds long! Are you going to show us a snippet of them, meaning the whole thing?

Montages of the losers. Of course! Come on already, TV show. I want to get to my Entourage DVDs!

Two guys left. Come on, rip it off like a band-aid. Come on now. Quick! Quickly! Do it! Doitdoitdoit! There. Was that so hard? Phhht, it’s past 9pm, FOX. I am not watching this dude’s montage. Get out of my face!

It would be nice if So You Think You Can Dance wasn’t two hours, but it is. I should have eaten more, to keep up my energy.

I forgot something. These talent shows get a lot less interesting after the audition process is over. That doesn’t rule out the possibility of seeing someone run their face into the floor. The odds just change drastically.

The judges are remembering the funniest moments from the auditions. How can this already be part clip show? Oh man, this show is going to waste so much of our time.

Last year’s winner is doing a little dance for us, to the sounds of Incubus. Admittedly, he isn’t bad.

There aren’t enough fights to the death in our modern day competitions.

My computer just restarted unexpectedly for some reason. That’s a good sign.

That doesn’t mean I missed all the booty shaking that was going on. Or as the older British fellow put it, “There was a whole lot of booty popping up there.” Booty popping? That doesn’t sound sexy in the least.

We have a crunker and some other dancer doing night club salsa. It was smooth and awkward all at the same time. At least the crunker didn’t drop his partner. A+ for not dropping people. I would fail the not-dropping-people class 8 times out of 10. But those 2 other times would be so sweet.

They are mismatching all the partners together. That’s a little bit of a challenge. All that means to me is that The Odd Couple song gets stuck in my head.

I am in a weird place with this show. On American Idol, I can tell when someone blows it. They’re off tempo, off key, whatever. With dancing, I have no clue. They could have meant to do whatever it is that looked like an accident to me. I’m a fish out of water. How can I judge everyone harshly if I’m ignorant?

Holy cow, there are still 7 couples left to dance? Maybe they couldn’t have fit this all into one hour.

All the girls, when they find out who their partners are, run and jump on to them, putting their legs around the guy’s waist. All of them. And all of the guys are prepared for that. It must happen to them a lot on the street. That could get dangerous.

Now we have a contemporary dancer and a ballet dancer joining forces to dance disco. It is turning out surprisingly well, from what I can tell. The judges agree with what I think I thought. That makes me feel good, I think.

Ballroom and jazz dancers battle an imaginary bull in their routine. They slay that bull and had themselves some Rocky Mountain Oysters.

The next match up? Ballroom and contemporary have a meeting of the minds with some hip hop obstacles. The big Russian who does ballroom can’t quite tackle the hip hop. How will he do on the dance floor? Let’s watch! Eh, it was alright. Sure, I couldn’t do it. But the Russian didn’t sell it. His upper body didn’t sell it. Hooray, I was right again! Thanks for the validation, judges.

Now Ben and Jerry mix together the tastes of ballet and swing, to make a new flavor called Cherry Poppin’ Baryshnikov. They dip themselves into some Viennese Waltz. It all comes to a head, reminding me how much I hate Enya. Man, I hate Enya. I can’t even concentrate on their dance. I’d kick them out of the competition right now.

Popping and contemporary join forces at last to battle 80s disco. Huh, I didn’t even know there was such a thing. I distrust anything I am not previously aware of. I was right to distrust it. Let me put that down on the list of things I was right about today. Good, that makes the list an even 100.

Number 21? Number 21, please set up to the window. What can I get you? Two scoops of contemporary? You got that. Let’s give them something “much more edgier” to do. “Much more edgier.” They do get points for being dressed like hobos. They do not get points for having a woman body builder dancing. Her arms are bigger than my head! Ewww.

Finally, breaker and jazz dancer take on the mambo. Not finally, like I’ve been waiting for this. It is just the last dance routine of the night, and I’m ready to stop watching dancing. They looked good. This is where the judges prove me wrong. Prove me wrong, judges. I don’t want to update my list of correct things I’ve stated. Hooray! I was kind of wrong, but not completely wrong. We’ll call that a wash.

That’s it, ladies and germs. Thank you and goodnight!

It’s time for more pointless fun with So You Think You Can Dance. Prepare to be amazed by good dancers and terrible dancers. Or, at least, prepare for me describing and making fun of them.

The prize for winning So You Think You Can Dance is a year contract to dance in Celine Dion’s Las Vegas show. I bet you think I’m going to make some remark about that not being a reward, but a punishment. I’m not going to do that though. Shows what you know.

There hasn’t been nearly enough shots of people falling down. You know we want it. Give it to us!

Some girl just made tap dancing look like the most boring thing in the world. She looked like she was really pretending to enjoy herself. Like she accidentally got knocked up, and is trying to pretend that having a baby is a lot of fun.

B-boys will get the horrible taste of tap girl out of my mouth. That didn’t come out right. Anyway, b-boys. B-boys! One of them did a flip where his legs were wiggling around like Luigi in Mario Bros 2. Why oh why hasn’t someone come up with a breakdancing competition show yet? Maybe they have and I am simply ignorant. That is entirely possible.

Have you ever seen really bad interpretive dance? You can’t plan it, you need to come upon it accidentally. If you do, treasure that moment. It will be the most hilarious time you’ve had in your entire life.

The judges were really mean to a Japanese girl who just wanted to bring smiles to everybody. She was terrible, yeah. But how can you hate someone who’s favorite move is pointing?

What’s worse than armpit sweat? Belly button sweat. Ewwww! That thing isn’t even supposed to sweat, is it?

Los Angeles auditions are done. Tomorrow, it’s on to Chicago. The windy city. Did you know it isn’t called the windy city because of the weather? More on that tomorrow! Maybe.