Tonight’s special third hour of TV watching, featuring Rescue Me, is sponsored by my mother-in-law, for the purpose of reporting on if it is good or not. Do not worry. I will judge with a gun called my brain loaded full of bullets called…ummm….brain bullets. I need better brain bullets.

Money, relationships, violence, and not too much rescuing. Now I am up to date on the series. Thanks, recap.

One tubby guy who isn’t feeling well is trying to get money from another tubby guy. One of them is a Lieutenant. Maybe they could just stop eating so many sandwiches. Shouldn’t firemen be in shape? You know, for fighting fires? They must be on Kitten Patrol.

Ick, Susan Sarandon just loved up a young studly fireman. I bet if she and Sigourney Weaver were trapped in a room together, and they wouldn’t be able to tell each other apart.

Dennis Leary’s nephew and his science teacher are doing it. Ripped from the headlines! It looks like everyone needs to be rescued, but there is no one doing the rescuing. Dennis Leary is trying to rescue his nephew from a predator, but he will need to get saved too. Why? Now he is in bed with the science teacher. Not the bed, exactly. They only made it to the couch.

If Dennis Leary is going to do the deed again, he said he might need a sandwich. That made me laugh.

Some fellow got beat up by his brother. Who is his brother? Dennis Leary. Apparently the Irish are supposed to be violent. That, I never knew. I am learning a lot from this show. I wonder who I should fight tomorrow. Probably someone who thinks they are more Irish than I am.

Susan Sarandon is giving her young stud and his daughter gifts. Why are older people digging younger people on this show? Older women, specifically. The men would be just as creepy, I am not being sexist. Get off my back!

Half an hour into the show and there have already been ten fires. Scratch that, zero fires. Maybe they want us to pay more attention to the metaphorical fires.

Nip/Tuck is coming back in September! Yippie!

Tubby guy was thinking about stealing from the smoking jar. Which chubby guy? The one without the beard. Awww, who cares?

Hey, wait a second, there is a lot of swearing in this show. Cable after 9 pm is neat. My ears are bleeding, but that is a small price to pay. I’ve been so corrupted.

An actual fire call? Hot damn, let’s see what this ragtag group of firemen can do. Wait a second, a group of firemen should certainly not be ragtag.

A car hit one of them there Central Park carriages. You don’t see that everyday. Then the carriage horse got hit by a bus. If only the group of firemen weren’t so ragtag, these things wouldn’t happen.

There are a lot of good characters in this show, but I haven’t seen any likeable ones. It might keep me tuning back in to see how far the characters can sink. Like a boat full of elephants that hit an iceberg.