Tonight I am being forced to watch Prison Break. I tried watching this show a few times when it began last year, but gave up. Three episodes of everyone talking in grumpy whispers got on my nerves. Maybe that is a lame thing to base my opinion on. Obviously, I do not care if it lame to base my opinion on that.

Here we all are though. Me watching a show I gave up on. You reading about me watching a show that lost my good faith. Here we go.

A warning about graphic content, hmmm? That is a good start.

They are recapping what I have missed. Everyone is still talking in nothing but grumpy whispers. Speak up and be happy! I suppose being lead into the death chamber is not a time for singing and dancing, but that did not stop Björk.

Surprise, he did not get executed yet. Who knew something would happen to stop it? “Not me,” he said with sarcasm.

Oh yeah, so Prison Break is this. Guy X gets framed for murder and goes to jail. Guy Y built the prison or helped redesign it or something. He get a crazy idea to get incarcerated and then break his brother, Guy X, out from the inside before he is executed. There, you know about as much as I know now.

So Guy X, I will learn his name soon enough as long as they do not whisper it, was about to be executed but a judge called to stop the execution at the last moment. That is because new evidence has been found in his case. “How much time do we have,” asks Guy Y. I know the answer! Enough time for another season of Prison Break.

More whispers in deep voices. Even the women in this show have deep voices.

I have figured out an equation that will help me figure out who is who in this show.

Men in nice suits = Bad

There is a shot of the tattoos. Guy Y, who helped build the prison, got tattoos all over his body that are artistic blueprints of the prison. That sounded like a nice premise for a show. That is why I tuned in the first time.

Oooh, commercials. I am excited to see Slither.

The break-out-of-prison plans have changed. Now they have to dig through the psych ward. Or something. The guy with the soul patch must have seen a few prison movies, because he thinks they can sneak out in a laundry cart. No, not Howie Mandel. No, not me. The guy in Prison Break. Try and keep it together, will you?

Here is another equation for the show.

Drums = drama is happening

Now there is drama about Guy X thinking he saw his father in the execution watching room. I guess he has been gone for a long time. So it is something that is really important. I do not care.

More drums.

Guy Y, I will call him Tattoo Nuts. Tattoo Nuts had to dress like a guard to sneak into the psych ward after hours. He needs to check out the plumbing as an escape option. Since he is in the psych ward, it is supposed to be scary. No drums. Just a low pulsing hum. Soooo….

Low pulsing hum = scary

Oh, there are drums. Drums and the pulsing hum. Scary drama! Oh no!

They just tore some of Tattoo Nuts’ skin off because it was stuck to his clothes. That skin will be a very important part of the tattoo map. I am calling that right now.

Michael! Tattoo Nuts’ name is Michael. He is groggy.

Lincoln. Guy X is named Lincoln. He is dreaming about his dad.

Oh no! Men in nice suits looking at survivance cameras. Something evil must be happening.

The cliffhanger is what I guessed 15 minutes ago, about the blueprints being ruined. Good work, Prison Break. I was really surprised.

So to recap, drums, evil, whispers, whispers, grumbles, whispers, pulsing hum, whispers. Stop boring me, Prison Break.

I am proud that I learned the two main characters names. Gold star for me!