If you are looking for the worst show on TV for any given time slot, chances are you will end up on the WB. Will One Tree Hill be as horrible as the rest of the WB collection? That’s what I am here to see.

Who am I fooling? The answer is going to be “yes.”

I hope this show is about a main character named One Tree Hill. I think my hopes will be dashed.

The episode started off with some skinny guy gathering rocks on a beach for a fire pit. Then a very large man walked up to him and said, “Well well, look who’s starting a fire.” Then he walked away. Gripping!

Then two girls were talking about the end of summer beach party, and figuring how to best slut everything up. Finally, characters I can relate to.

1 CW commercial.

“At the time I got pregnant, I liked drugs more than I liked you.” TV has the most absurd explanations for things! One reason why TV is better than real life.

2 CW commercials.

People on TV have way too many emotions. Me? I experience one or two emotions a week. Three, if hungry is an emotion.

Does One Tree Hill mean there is a tree with one hill, or one hill that is known for having many trees?

I’m having a very hard time figuring out if these kids are in high school or college. They are living in apartments, getting divorces, and going to high school? I would have this mystery solved if this episode weren’t taking place during the summer, when school is out.

They are going into Senior year. Questions answered. Well, not really. They have apartments and failed marriages. Who are they, Julie of the Wolves? All I remember from that book is that Julie got married very early. 13, maybe.

There are some times that Bella Lugosi’s Dead sounds really good. Other times, it is just a terrible song. The majority of the time, I think it’s terrible. Sometimes it tricks me though.

3 CW commercials.

For a beach party, there sure is a large talking to skinny dipping ratio. The scales are really tipped in favor of the talking. If I wanted to hear talking, I could turn on the radio. What use are moving pictures if you are just going to talk the whole time?

I have nothing further to report on trees.