Without my knowledge or assistance, Men in Trees has continued to exist. In fact, it has a following of rabid fans. Who knew? Let’s watch and see if Whatsername and Whosits still have a confusing relationship filled with sexual tension.

Whosits, by name of Jack, assumedly drown at sea lat week. Whatsername, name of Marin, will find ways to cope. Since she probably still likes him. I haven’t watched the show in a long time, but I assume that’s the case.

Also, Marin has a half-naked man in her kitchen. The top half-naked. This is broadcast television, after all. She is trying to keep him healthy. He looks about 20 years younger than her. I’m going to assume he’s her uncle.

Some folks named Sara and Eric are main characters. I don’t know their deal, aside from Sara liking to sleep in and Eric liking to pray. It probably goes a little deeper than that. Oh, Sara works at a diner and Eric is a Bible study group. Well, one character deepened. A little.

Oh no, bar characters. I don’t have the mental capacity to keep track of all of these people. I’m sticking two the main four. Which is easy. Because one of them might not be an issue any longer.

Jack was tracking whales when his ship went down, which reminds me of Voyage of the Mimi. That was a barely educational show I was force to watch in middle school. Hey, maybe that’s where this forced TV watching stems from.

Coast Guard found a piece of life raft, so they’re calling off the search for Jack. By the way, the piece didn’t have Jack on it. That’s a crucial bit of information. The nameless (to me) characters in the bar look sad.

Everyone in town is coping in a different way. Watching old movies, listening to old records, putting old people in homes. To each their own.

Hold on, one of the nameless hordes had been struck by lightening. They say once you’re struck by lightening, your odds of getting struck again go up. Which is nonsense. Sure, people who get struck by lightening tend to do things that get them struck by lightening. So their odds are above average. But getting struck doesn’t raise your odds.

Marin is doing a lot of looking inwards. And outwards. Reminders of Whosits everywhere. Outward. And inward. But it’s hard to show inward without outward. And it’s hard to show your emotions outwardly without the inward part. It’s a circle of emotion.

There’s a in-no-way-veiled metaphor about sonatas in effect. Each story has three parts, like a sonata. There you go. The nonexistent veil has been lifted. Which means it hasn’t been lifted.

Eric has a parishioner with troubles crashing his home, which doesn’t make Sara happy. This plot point is boring and will not be brought up, by me, again.

Not even one episode goes by and Jack is back. I’m hoping it’s Marin’s imagination and we’re going to have to deal with some deeper issues. We’ll see, after this commercial break.

Jack got picked up by a Russian freighter, or he didn’t if this is Marin’s insanity. I will now pretend that Jack is a ghost, from now on. A gruff and grumbly ghost.

Everyone else can see the ghost too. I will pretend that they are humoring Marin.

Half-naked man needs new kidneys, and he’s lying about it to his niece, Marin. Will uncles never learn?

Marin is making it with a ghost now. In a truck. I don’t understand how he can walk through walls but still touch physical objects. Pfft, ghosts.

So there you have it, rabid fans. No in depth analysis. No attention to detail. No pulled punches. It wasn’t a terrible show, but I can’t see myself watching week after week. You know, on purpose.

Oh, and Marin is moving in with a ghost.

Men in Trees is a show I, surprisingly, don’t hate. I know, I’m too negative for my own good sometimes. That only means I get to be surprised on a semi-regular basis. It’s delightful.

Marin, who has been staying in Alaska to figure out how men work, will be hosting a bachelor auction. Any maybe, just maybe, learn something about men. She also has a refund for her half of the wedding that didn’t happen. That is $13,000 dollars to burn away the bad memories with. That could create a mighty fire.

The character of Marin could get pretty annoying. She thinks she knows everything about everything. Luckily, she gets taken down a peg quite often. That makes everything okay. And, pretty soon, she will be sprayed by a female skunk.

Patrick, the charming and doofy radio DJ who brought Marin up in the first place, has fallen in love with a girl named Annie. Annie drove up from Vancouver, or some other mythical place, to comfort Marin. Patrick’s mother, the chief of police, doesn’t like doofy Annie for some reason. She doesn’t like much of anything though. I know someone like that. It’s me.

The bachelor auction is throwing all sorts of wrenches into the relationship situations of the town. The town pilot was bid on by the chief of police, who outbid his wife. Good old Patrick was bought by a young blonde who outbid Annie. I have a feeling that the chief of police had something to do with that.

The $13,000 wad was blown on Jack, the rugged animal specialist who Marin thinks is always being a jerk even though he isn’t. I must have missed what this charity auction was funding. Probably a meth lab. I imagine there are meth labs all over Alaska. Even inside of caribou. Meth filled caribou that explode. That would be a whole different show.

The bachelor dates go off with many hiccups. Marin ended up running over Jack with her truck. It was an accident. I’m sure it made him only more rugged looking.

Marin is making Jack breakfast. Annie bought Patrick back. And the skunk finally sprayed Marin.

This episode doesn’t seem that great. I mean, it’s still okay. But I’m not blown away or anything. Or really that entertained. Hmmmm.

The skunk led to Marin soaking in a bathtub full of alphabet soup. That’s a lot of soup. A lot of letters. Hey, she could write her new book on men in a bathtub full of alphabet soup. That would be nice and eccentric. I think I just came up with an idea for a movie.

A stupid movie. See you next week for Arthur Yoria’s night of Univision!

Men in Trees stars the newly sane Anne Heche as Marin, a motivational speaker and writer about relationships. Surprise, she has been booked for a speaking engagement in Alaska. That’s where ice is born.

Marin accidentally grabs her fiancé’s laptop. Golly, there sure are a lot of pictures featuring his lips on another woman’s lips. He probably just Photoshopped those. I guess that is still creepy.

Patrick Bachelor meets Marin at the dock. In Alaska, planes pull up to docks. Patrick is Marin’s first taste of the quirky characters we are sure to meet throughout the series.

I think Marin has also been called Mary and Annie. It’s like a damn Russian novel. Hrm, Alaska is pretty close to Russia.

Patrick is the one who booked Marin, who normally speaks in front of large groups of women. Since there are 10 men to every woman in Alaska, Patrick brought Marin up to give the bearded gentlemen help. No, it isn’t hairy rock group Grandaddy. It’s just Alaskans.

Uh oh, I laughed. That must mean I am enjoying myself.

Since there are no spin classes in Alaska, Marin goes for a real bike ride to the sounds of KT Turnstall. She almost biked off a mountain.

Through a series of events like sleeping in and storms, Marin and then her publicist get stuck in the tiny Alaskan town. Soon Marin will find it charming, the men interesting, and decide to stay. Sorry, sorry. I hope I didn’t ruin the next half hour for you.

Do you know about KnowMenopause.com? I do, and now you do too. Go ahead, click the link and giggle.

As long as the “oh my goodness, where can I find cell phone reception” jokes get the heave ho next episode, I think this show will do just fine.

Marin, on an unachievable quest for a cigarette, ends up falling through a frozen lake. Yeah, she bought cigarettes from a vending machine in a well lit area and then walked into the wilderness by herself. You know, no matter how much you keep saying that it doesn’t make sense, that doesn’t change what happened. Give it a rest.

Then Marin has to spend the night naked with the man she keeps brushing off, even though he isn’t coming on to her. Don’t judge. You think you know Alaska? You don’t know Alaska. You don’t even have a hat that says Alaska on it!

And so, with all of these events, Marin blows off an appearance on Oprah, stays in Alaska, and starts writing a book on men. Not actually on men, like men were the paper she was writing on. I mean, about men. But writing on men, that’s an idea. Who wants to start a project for Burning Man?

Guess what is being Tivoed next hour? Yeah, this show is alright so far.