It is time for the episode of Lost that “changes everything.” I have no right to be sarcastic, because I have been excited to see this episode for the last week!

The sailboat is Desmond’s. He must be rich! Just kidding. He is just drunk and holding a shotgun. That’s almost as good as being rich.

The flashbacks this episode revolve around Desmond. It starts with him getting out of a military jail, and some stuffed shirt putting money in his lap and telling him to stay away from his daughter.

Mr. Eko and Locke just came to blows! Really, Locke didn’t stand much of a chance. Locke wanted to stop the button from being pressed, and Mr. Eko wouldn’t have any of that. Like a bouncer at the loneliest club in the world, Mr. Eko ejected Locke.

Sayid is taking Desmond’s boat around the island to check out the Other’s camp, to get ahead of Michael’s crazy party.

It looks like Desmond has some Darmah Initiative brand vodka. Russians! The Others are Russians!

Turns out that the sailboat actually Libby’s. You see, she gave it to Desmond for a race around the world to win money from Mr. Stuffed Shirt and win his girlfriend back. Of course!

With the cast of merry men and one woman trekking across the island, a bird just swooped down at them. Hurley thinks it said his name. It was not a parrot. It did look very CGI though. Jurassic Park style years old CGI.

Locke is recruiting Desmond to stop Mr. Eko from pushing that button. That will give us answers. And plenty of questions.

Feeling left out, Jin, Sun, and Sayid are having their own little exploration party on Desmond’s sailboat. What have they found so far? The remains of a giant stone statue created with only four toes. Must be The Simpsons.

Desmond had a neat trick up his sleeve. He made the blast doors in the hatch close, trapping Mr. Eko. We’re getting closer and closer to letting the button go.

We also got our first glimpse of the hatch monkey that was around before Desmond. He is a grumpy older man. Hooray! It must be House, M.D.

Michael just confessed to leading his party into a trap because Jack forced it out of him. They turned around and headed back to their camp. Just kidding, that would have made sense. They are still moving forward.

Mr. Eko is super cheesed off at Locke. He got Charlie to show him some dynamite and he just tried to blow open the blast door. The keyword here being “blast.” He might have just blown himself up.

Sayid got to the Others’ beach and all of the huts were empty, of course. But what is this? There is only rock behind their hatch door! Michael isn’t even leading everyone to the beach! The Others just drugged everyone in Michael’s little treachery party. Judas!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, and all those tubes full of info from the Pearl hatch? They all just end up in a pile in the middle of nowhere. It’s the island’s version of TPS reports.

Desmond thinks he crashed the plane! The day the plane crashed, Desmond didn’t press the button in time. Electromagnetic fields were flying all over, and possibly even pulling our survivor’s plane down. And here we are, thinking the button was all fake.

The hatch buttons didn’t get pressed, all hell broke loose, and Desmond sacrificed himself and clicked the self destruction key. Then the hatch blew up with Locke, Mr. Eko, and Charlie in it.

I thought that was the end of the season, until I looked up and saw that there were 15 minutes left. Really? They’re going to mess with us even more?

Michael and Walt are free and have a boat. Jack, Kate and Sawyer are captured by the Others headed up by Henry Gale. Charlie is safe. Mr. Eko and Locke are M.I.A. Hurley is on his way back to camp by order of the Others.

Oh yeah, and some guys playing chess in the arctic got an alert that there was an electromagnetic anomaly. Of course, they called Desmond’s girlfriend, who has been looking for this anomaly. What?

Do you have any idea about what is going on? Share your thoughts over at Make Me Watch TV’s I Solved Lost.

Tonight we get a potentially exciting and enlightening episode of Lost. But that is how all episodes of Lost seem.

Oooh, we start out by flashing back to 13 days ago, when Michael took off. We get to see what happened while he was running around in the woods alone. I’m okay with that.

Killing two people wasn’t the army forming catalyst that Michael had hoped. He is bound to do something else crazy to get his son back. I woke up yesterday excited to watch Lost until I remembered it was Tuesday. Is it weird to wake up excited about watching TV?

I love the flashbacks that happen on the island, and not before the crash. Like Claire’s flashback to when she was taken. We just saw that Michael was captured almost immediately after taking off after Walt.

Charlie found a vaccine on the Dharma food palate that dropped from the sky a while back. Claire had been looking for the vaccine in a different episode in an abandoned hatch. It could very well be sugar water, since the island seems to be one big test. Or it could be something entirely different.

Mr. Eko is moving into the hatch now. Charlie and he are having a little lover’s tiff. How adorable. Meantime, a small group is getting ready to go to war with the Others.

In the flashback, Michael is being held by the Others, one of which is Alex, crazy lady Russo’s daughter. You might remember her from Malcolm in the Middle.

Now we get our first glimpse of the Others’ camp. Is it all a put on? An act? A lady named Miss. Clue started asking Michael a lot of questions about his son. The most intriguing being “has he ever appeared someplace he wasn’t supposed to be?” Like holding a high ranking position in the federal government?

Hooray! Locke is back on the beach, where he should be. Locke should spout wisdom from his serene spot, not getting fooled or being taken advantage of in the hatch.

We see Walt! He looks about 6 months older. Funny, that. The Others have been making Walt take tests. They threatened to put him in “the room” again if he doesn’t behave. If it was a room filled with those balls from Chuck E Cheese, that would be awesome!

If Michael wants to see Walt again, he has to free Henry Gale. Which he did. But he also has to bring Jack, Hurley, Kate, and James Ford to the Others. James Ford is Sawyer, by the way. Did we know that before?

And, before the credits rolled, a sailboat was headed towards their beach. What? Next week is going to be an awesome season finale!

Time for another gripping and maddening episode of Lost. We started out with Mr. Eko having a freaky dream where his dead brother tells him that Locke must take him to the question mark. I, like every other Lost fan, assume he’s talking about the question mark in the middle of the blacklight map Locke saw for 10 seconds once.

Also, Michael, who shot up a bunch of fools last episode, accidentally left Libby alive as a witness. Whoops! First you shoot her, and then you smother her with the blankets she is carrying for a picnic. Murder 101, Michael. I guess you don’t really want your son back, hmm?

Locke and Eko are now off in the forest looking for Henry Gale. Eko must actually be tricking Locke into taking him to the question mark. Locke is still on crutches. I am hoping Mr. Eko gives him a piggy back ride.

This is a Mr. Eko flashback episode! Awesome. Why are we so interested in the people who talk the least? For instance, Helen Keller. I rest my case.

In the flashback, Mr. Eko has taken his place as a priest and is investigating a miracle claim for the Vatican. A drown lady came back to life during an autopsy. Just like David Blaine, except not a failure.

Jack is going to use the heroin stash to ease Libby’s pain, since there is nothing he can do to save her. I haven’t seen any anti-drug ads during this episode. Is Lost telling us to do drugs, because we are all dying in one way or another?

Hurley just asked where Libby is. It would be easiest to tell him she moved to the other side of the island because she didn’t like him anymore.

There was a circle on the ground. Huh? Oh, it was a questions mark. Hey, they found the question mark! It looks like a crop circle. That’s it, aliens! The island is a space ship.

If you ever go to Epcot, never ride on Spaceship Earth. It’s not even fun in a campy way.

Eko and Locke just found another hatch under the plane that held Eko’s dead brother and killed Boone. I love these hatches! They always change the show around entirely!

The Pearl station! Hatch number 5 is the Pearl, which is used to monitor what is going on in the other hatches which are all psychological experiments. There was also a new creepy orientation video. I eat this stuff up like cookies made with an extra stick of butter! Alvar Hanso, you twisted psychopath! If you haven’t visited The Hanso Foundation yet, you are missing out.

Ahhh, now Libby is dead for real. She was able to spit out “Michael” before she died. Not that it was enough to point a finger at him.

Thank goodness for the end of the season. Not that I want the show to be over with, but this is when things actually get moving. Go, plot, go!

Now it time for a stupid Lost special. A clip show to catch people up, really. It is also an excuse not to make another new episode. Have networks not realized that clip shows piss people off?

However, as slow as the new episodes have been moving forward with the plot, a clip show will probably advance things as quickly as anything. Are you listening to me, J.J. Abrams? Either make movies or make TV shows. You are obviously spreading yourself too thin.

I have watched every episode of Lost. I have been more impressed with it than I have been disappointed. The ratio is really getting close though.

There is a narrator on this clip show. This is rather like March of the Penguins. Soon he’ll say, “Some will not make it through the harsh winter weather.”

This episode is for the irresponsible. You have not bothered to catch Lost until now? Too bad. Buy the first season and download the rest from iTunes. Do not waste the time of people who have been faithfully following the show, through good and bad.

This makes me fear summer and its reruns. Will I be forced to watch the same TV shows I have already seen again and again? That would be boring and lame. I might have to think of some rules so that does not happen. I think I’ll sleep on it.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.

I know, I will make words from the names of characters on the show.

Jack Shephard = Jerk had chaps
Sayid Jarrah = Sad hairy jar
Claire Littleton = Tailor intellect
Ana-Lucia Cortez = Actual Nazi core
Kate Austen = Kate eat Sun
Michael Dawson = Whale clam soda

Whale clam soda. Yum!

Tonight I get to watch one of my favorite shows. Lost is a fantastic television program with it’s own ups and downs. It has good episodes and bad. Let us all hope that this is a good one.

The folks on Lost captured a fellow they believe is an enemy. The are called Others, for those of you who have never seen the show before. So Henry, this Other, has been tortured and then some. He would not crack until two episodes ago when they found proof that he was a big fat liar.

Today Jack finally does something about it. He is going after the Others to try and get his kidnapped friends back.

Clues and new information about the island have been few and far between. The past few episodes have finally gotten us some new information. Deeper and deeper into the mysteries of the island.

This week’s flashbacks focus on Rose and Bernard, the white dude and the black lady that are married. This should be charming to see in contrast to the wackiness that Jack will bring with his hostage saving scheme.

By the way, what happened to the Army that Jack was going to train? Was that plotline dropped because Anna Lucia is going to be killed off after her real life exploits?

Bernard is getting everybody together to make a huge sign so they can be rescued, since everyone on the island has sort of forgotten about getting rescued. Rose thinks he is being stupid and says so in front of everybody. Loudly. That is the kind of support I want from my spouse. I type this as I turn to look at my wife who is threatening to paint my toenails.

In the flashback, Bernard just proposed to Rose. She said she is dying. That is news to the viewers! Now on the island, Rose seems all nice and healthy. The island cured Locke’s legs and now Rose’s cancer? What is up with this magical island?

Mr. Ecko is building a church. Mr. Ecko has not done anything badass in a while. Building a church does not seem badass. Maybe it is a church that worships explosions and punching. That would be badass. Let us wait and see if that happens!

Locke has gotten a little stupid this season. He is letting Henry, the prisoner, get to him. Henry turned Locke against Jack and now he is torturing him about “the button” in the hatch. Henry will not tell Locke if he pressed the all important button or not. Locke should know better than to listen to what this dude says. What happened to the Locke that played backgammon on the beach and spouted wisdom?

Rose and Bernard went to Australia on their honeymoon. Bernard made Rose go to Australia to trick her into seeing a faith healer. That is very tricky. Maybe she will disappear like Andy Kauffman did. He went to see a faith healer. I do not think it worked so well.

There is very little in this episode about Jack going out to confront the others. The previews for this show always promise more than they deliver. That is bad mojo, Lost. Jack and Kate got trapped in a net. Only Kate would have been caught in the net, but Jack ran towards her to stop the trap. If he had stayed put, he could have cut her down. That was dumb as hell.

After hinting that Jack was going off to confront the others in the beginning of the episode, they only came back to him when half of the show was over. I am getting mighty sick of my chain being yanked. All of this chain yanking is not appreciated. If there were a club that liked chain yanking, I would not join them.

Jack shot their way down from the net, like Clint Eastwood in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. It was not as awesome though. There was a lot more whining.

Locke is back on the beach, thinking things over. Hopefully he will come back to his senses. This senseless Locke is of no use. Messing things up is Charlie’s job.

There! Almost confirmation that Rose and Locke both know that the island is healing them! Locke hurt his leg a couple episodes ago, and would have to be off his leg for four weeks. Rose knows that he will not have to be off it that long. Then they both smiled. Smiling says a lot of things. It also says, “Are you looking for a date, sailor?” Be careful with your smiles.

Jack is now yelling like a crazy man for the Others to show themselves. It is also raining. That makes things more dramatic. If you bring someone a tin of cookies, it seems much more important when you are soaked and standing in the pouring rain. Those must be some damn good cookies!

This commercial for Invasion is about 20 minutes long. Previews at movie theaters are not as long.

Bernard and Rose have decided to never leave the island. They believe that if Rose leaves, her illness will come back. Now they will stay on the mystery island forever. It will be the longest and strangest honeymoon ever.

Jack will be leave us with a cliffhanger, and then the show will be in reruns for the next couple of weeks. The cliffhanger will occur in two minutes time.

Michael’s back! He came stumbling out of the woods towards Jack and Kate. I think he has been infected, but that is just a theory. We will have to wait a couple of weeks to find out. Damn unreasonable breaks! BOO!

Not much happened on Lost this week. No surprise there. When ever you get your hopes up about an episode, you would be better served to lower your expectations.