North Atlantic Lobstermen go hundreds of miles out to sea during the harsh winter weather. I have a feeling that we aren’t going to see any Lobstermen playing Jeopardy. It’s a good thing I didn’t make that “Go Lobstermen! Win At Jeopardy” foam finger.

The Lobstermen sail out to Georgia’s Bank, an underwater mountain range where lobsters gather. Probably to form jug bands.

Captain Bro and Captain Moore leave on separate boats from the same port. They are rivals, as they’re both trying to get the big pay day. This isn’t like Twister, where there is no such thing as rival storm chasers.

Newcomer, Captain Christopher, is coming out from another port. He needs a bit of Lobstermen hazing. Like rubber banding his wang to his leg.

After going 200 miles in 24 hours, Captain Bro makes it to Georgia’s Bank at 5am. They start pulling up traps from their one mile of line. These Lobstermen could make $10,000 a piece in this one week. That’s a nice haul. Not as good as dealing heroin, but pretty nice.

Awww, Stevie. He is the “greenest” member of the crew. He messed up and could have been pulled overboard. You know, to death. Your parents didn’t tell you this, but Death waits in the sea for anyone to come in. Never go into the sea. Death is always ready for a pain picnic.

Newcomer Captain Christopher arrives more than a day later. His son had basketball tryouts, so he had to be there. That should interrupt a payday. It turns out that most of his traps are probably gone too. The other Lobstermen don’t respect Christopher too much. Heck, I don’t respect him. But that’s because I heard he plays games of chance and is know to talk with loose women.

Scooter, the cook, has been fired a couple of times. When he is on land, he tends to drink a lot. He’s just trying to get more liquid into himself. He wants to be closer to the sea.

Newcomer’s traps suck. He gets one lobster, zero lobsters, two lobsters. He must have taken a book out of the library on how to be a Lobsterman. Or he read an Encyclopedia Brown mystery about it.

Crews generally sleep about 4 hours a night. What do they have to wake up to? Bait bags full of sand fleas. They’ll eat bait, lobsters, anything. The sea is full of terrible things! Don’t let beautiful mermaids fool you either. They are all communists.

Newbie spent 4 hours dragging the bottom for his lost lines. He got nothing. It could have been caused by a squid troller sweeping by with a net. Or it could be sabotage! Listen, all y’all. It’s sabotage.

Captain Bro found the newbie’s line 50 miles away. 50 miles! That must be the work of a giant evil lobster! What does he have cooking for the human race?

In two days, Captain Bro has caught 10,000 pounds of lobster. Let us hope that someone is out catching some I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray.

Newbie is looking for his fourth lost line. What a loser. There are losers in every line of business. Are there losers in the candy business? Yes. What did I just say?