Tonight’s episode of Last Comic Standing is sponsored by my wife. Hooray, now I can eat lunch tomorrow!

I haven’t seen this show past the first three episodes, which I watched by choice. While you folks were making me watch Veronica Mars, my other half was watching Last Comic Standing. I’ve missed the comics getting picked for the house, and having their first competition.

As a reward for everyone still around, they get belly dancers and snakes. Snakes on a Belly Dancer! Bah, I was already sick of that sentence before I wrote it.

The comics don’t live in a house, they live on the Queen Mary. The Queen Mary is a cruise ship.

Their challenge today is to do a one minute comedy routine on Adam Corolla’s. The comedy routine must be based on the magazine they draw at random. These magazines ranged from “Latina Weddings” to “Weapons of Death.”

Wow, these comedians can’t improv. It’s interesting how the skills just don’t transfer over sometimes. What a terrible and unfunny challenge. For punishment, they have to go back to the cruise liner.

The comics meet in the boiler room of the Queen Mary to decide who has to perform in front of a live audience that night. Three people are chosen, and the two losers have to go home. The unfunny girl that won immunity will never ever vote for a girl, she said. That’s a nice elementary school attitude she has.

There was a four way tie, so four people will perform and two losers will go home. Some of the funnier people are performing. Funnier three episodes ago. Who knows where they are in their comedy stylings now.

Joey Gay is talking…scratch that…screaming about his last name and his older sisters Also, there was an unpleasant amount of talk about his sisters cycling at the same time, since they lived together. Not on bicycles, mind you. Not so funny.

Chris Porter is on next. He has a good sense of comic timing. It’s very natural and almost casual. That works better when telling others about your intimate life, in comparison to yelling about it.

Bill Dwyer takes the stage next. He seemed polished but not special. Jokes about kids and computers. Next.

Uh oh, some lady is next. I didn’t catch her name. I will call her “Unfunny Lady.” Unfunny Lady was not funny.

No one was very fantastic. Not even during the other parts of the show by accident. If you have the word “comic” in your title, you had better bring your A game. If you do not “bring it,” people like me can make fun of your name. Like, Last Comic Notwithstanding! Oh yeah, I went there.

Bill Dwyer left with the lowest number of votes. Chris Porter was the audience favorite. Hooray! The only guy I kind of sort of liked. Joey Gay goes home and Unfunny Lady stays. I am ambivalent about that.

Sigh. What a poor night of television. Thanks so much, network executives.