Tonight’s Honey We’re Killing the Kids! is sponsored by MonsterCommerce.com

I will be gnawing on a Nestle Crunch Easter Bunny during the show that teaches us that candy is killing you. How long ago was Easter? No matter.

The Ricker boys are in deep trouble. One of them has early signs of diabetes. They are quite the tubs of lard too. The show is talking bad about video games. Stop that, television show. Don’t be jealous of my other form of entertainment.

Dr. Hark shows the children’s parents what their kids will look like when they are 40. Uglier and fatter and hairier. Both of the boys have a period around their 20s where they experiment with ratty facial hair. That seems a bit presumptuous. That discredit’s the whole show right there, like Michael Moore’s movie tactics. Boo on you, Honey We’re Killing the Kids!

For the next two weeks, the family must follow Dr. Hark’s crazy rules that are probably based on more nonsense facts. Dr. Hark informs the family that a piece of pizza contains 600 calories. The boys pretend to be shocked. Heck, I don’t even know what that means.

The family destroys all their junk food and goes out to buy new healthy food. Clams and squid are on the list of healthy things. Yeah, that’s a way of getting people to eat healthy. Introduce them to a bunch of strange foods they have no experience with. They are setting the family up for a disaster. This show is absurd.

On another note, my Easter Bunny’s ears are gone. Yum.

The boys must now do chores before they can play video games. That’s a fair rule. Kids need discipline. Mind you, I’m not defending the show. It is just common sens. These kids shouldn’t be eating only junk food and playing video games. The parents are to blame, of course. This show isn’t the right way to fix things.

The doctor comes back the second week to give some new rules, even though the family failed at all of the previous week’s rules.

One of the kids has been sleeping in his mother’s bed for six years. Where does the dad sleep? I don’t know, but it’s not there. This is so messed up. I want to shut my eyes and never wake up.

The family seemed enthusiastic about boxing lessons. That’s the way that dinner should have gone. Boxing went good for everyone except Stevie. He couldn’t quite master the jump rope. Or begin the jump rope. That should be a living test. If you’re too stupid to jump rope, you’re too stupid to live. Those thoughts will keep me from the US Presidency.

The parents are being forced to go on a date that starts with belly dancing lessons. This show is so stupid! They are fat! That is like forcing someone with no arms to juggle. It does look pretty funny though. Especially when the skinny belly dancer is touching their bellies, trying to get them to jiggle right.

The advanced technology Dr. Hark uses to calculate the looks of the children in the future? Photoshop. Ah ha, the kids wear nicer clothes in the future after they have changed their eating habits. I want to murder this show. That isn’t healthy, but I don’t care. This show shouldn’t be on the The Learning Channel. The show shouldn’t be on anywhere.