When setting my DVR to tape Heroes, I accidently typed Herpes. My DVR did not tape Herpes.

This episode is called Out of Time. From the recap, it appears that our heroes need to save New York again. Did I forget to mention that I gave up on Heroes at the end of season one? Well, I did.

Aside from Hiro, I’ve forgotten everyone’s name. Maybe that isn’t entirely true. I remember some more names, but I forgot how to spell them. So I will describe the characters with bitter descriptions.

Doctor Voice Over is working for “the company” along with the terrible actress. Hiro is stuck back in time with Sting hating on him. The cheerleader is in some sort of trouble. Again. And the boring brothers are still alive.

Oh my goodness, I’m boring myself. Recap, consider yourself ended. Let’s move forward.

Someone is trying to kill someone.

Okay, maybe this moving forward isn’t working.

Jack Lemmon is coming to kill someone with glasses and a whiney voice. Morrie, not actually Jack Lemmon, is that cop’s father. You know, the cop with the self confidence issues?

Hold on, we got a little pube bone going on. Groin cleavage? Those lines pointing down to a man’s pee-pee area. You can thank my wife for the terminology.

So Hiro is in the past, Peter is in the future, and everyone else is stuck in the present. The horrible horrible present.

In the future, where Peter’s pube cleavage reigns, a virus has killed 98% of the population.

Hey, I have an idea. How about we get some more characters up in here? There are not enough plot lines going on. Please muddy the waters a bit more. If you can’t settle on a solid plotline, keep throwing them on the pile. Some of your spaghetti is sure to stick to the wall.

Peter has amnesia. That sounds nice right about now. One order, please. Heavy on the blunt trauma to the skull.

Claire, I remembered another name, is falling for a boy. They are kissing and listening to tunes on her sweet Samsung phone. Go out and buy it now, boys and girls, and you could be kissing things too.

Morrie is trying to kill Bob. Simple names! I like it. She also made the bad actress see her dead husband or baby daddy or whatever. Now she is set to kill Bob.

Hiro and Sting are fighting with swords. Sting is singing that terrible Grammy winning song. Okay, he isn’t. And he isn’t Sting. Then a tent exploded.

Morrie and his bumbling cop son Matt are having a fight in Morrie’s mind. It isn’t nearly as interesting as Psychonauts. You should play Psychonauts. It is brilliant, unlike a certain show I may or may not be watching right now.

Apologies if these thoughts have been a bit scattered. I’ve spent most of the evening wrestling with virus protection and system critical errors on my computer. And then I had to watch terrible television.

Peter has gone into the past, Hiro has gone into the future. I think they’ll both be in the present now.

Ali infected herself with a virus that will destroy mankind and hopefully her career. Now that Doctor needs to betray Claire for another plot twist.

Now Sting and Peter are getting together for who knows what reasons.

This episode of Heroes was a pile of plotlines puked out onto a Tilt-a-Whirl spinning around at high speeds.

For lack of better words, this show sure blows now.

Heroes is here to entertain us during sweeps. This means I get to concentrate on 24 more with Tivo. Hooray!

Radio Shack man, er, radioactive shack man was found by a lady who can send emails. Emails from her brain! And I thought those Bluetooth headsets were getting pretty invasive.

Sylar is tagging along with Mohinder to find the other heroes. Mohinder to study them. Sylar to eat their delicious brains.

Bumbling cop also stole some diamonds. I am getting sick of thought reading cop. He and Nikki can be exploded. I would not be sad. In fact, I could be quite happy. Overjoyed, in fact.

Peter and Doctor Who just flew off across the New York skyline after Claire’s dad tried to get them. Man, those would be some nice super powers. Rigging Bingo would be so easy! Also, you could fly. Because walking is a big waste of time.

Claire’s dad has been putting radioactive isotopes into the blood of these heroes. For tracking! I found that strapping an atomic bomb to someone is a pretty good way to track them. They move oh so slowly.

It looks like Sylar absorbed the wrong super power. Super hearing is nice, except when you can’t control it. And he has tickets to the Police reunion tour too? Dang, he’s going to have to give those tickets up.

Stan Lee made a quick cameo as a bus driver. And he didn’t call anyone a “true believer.”

Oooh, lots of good doings a happenings at the end of this episode. Radio Shack and cop have captured Claire’s dad. Issac shot Simone because he was trying to shoot Peter. Those are some fun cliffhangers.

Heroes is back, beating out 24 by one vote. With it, comes a new catch phrase. “Are you on the list?” Be prepared to hear that for the next few weeks.

Changes are settling in for the heroes. Hiro is in New York looking for a sword. Sylar has bugs crawling around his cell. Claire is pretending her memory was erased. Nikki is in jail and hopefully we’ll see less of her. That’s enough recap for now. Time for some gut reactions.

Oh yeah, Peter had a heart attack and/or vision from absorbing too many powers. Sponges know just how much absorbing they can take. If there is too much, they won’t soak it up. We should be more like sponges.

Hey! The Doctor is in this episode. Hot damn, I like Heroes even more now.

That symbol that you can see tattooed on some of the heroes’ bodies? It’s a combination of characters that mean “great power” and “godsend.” There’s a mystery solved. Finally some answers out of Lost. I mean, Heroes.

The DA is seeking the death penalty for Nikki. Hooray! I’ll be the first in line to pull the switch.

Hiro stole his epic sword for the Museum of Natural History. But it’s a replica. The real sword is in the hands of Linderman Corp. You know, Linderman? Claire’s foster daddy?

There is an exploding man in a shack in the Nevada desert. The exploders always have a shack.

This episode has been packed with information and stuff. It’s all stuff we want to know too. Well, almost all of it. There sure is a lot of Nikki. If I wanted to see prison scenes, I’d watch Let’s Go To Prison. And then only to support Will Arnett.

Hey, there’s a website to visit. Linderman’s cover company is www.primatechpaper.com. There is a log in on the Careers page. Probably something neat to that. (PS the code for the Careers page is MT36)

The Doctor, who looks way different than he did in Doctor Who, can turn invisible. Excellent! He looks ragged. Although, if you were invisible, would you do your hair?

Heroes is fun to watch. It is that simple to understand the appeal.

A waitress in Midland, Texas has suddenly been able to remember everything she hears or reads. And someone in the diner where she works made a coffee cup move by itself! Oh no! The power!

The Indian fellow with no super powers has gone back to India to take over for his dead father. His dead father was searching for these titular heroes. He is boring. Let’s get back to some more powers.

The dumb cop punched a fellow officer who was having an affair with his wife. He learned this because he could read his wife’s mind. She was thinking “oh no, he knows about my affair.” Let us all learn from this, and never think anything.

Hiro is in the diner flirting with the waitress. The magic coffee mug is watching all of this. Or the guy who made the coffee mug move. I think this show could use a magic coffee mug.

Oh no! Poor little waitress had the top of her head cut off. Curse you, magic coffee mug!

From the way this episode is moving, Claire’s dad looks like a good guy. He has been helping the heroes reach their full potential. This also means giving Isaac heroin so he can paint the future. Is this whole show just a front of the pro-heroin lobbyists? Damn fat cat heroin czars and their deep pockets.

Now the terrible actress who looks like an even more malnourished Winona Ryder has a super power. With this super power, she gets Isaac to do heroin so he can create art. So she’s like Courtney Love.

Radioactive man escaped. Probably with the help of radioactivity.

And Hiro is in the past. Really, we’re all in the past.

That sounds deep, but it actually means nothing.

Heroes is good, but is often just OK. I hope things are better than just OK today.

This show subtitles the names of the main characters when the come on screen at the start of each episode. The cheerleader’s name is Claire. Look at how helpful that was of them!

Niki’s ex stuck his hand through her chest and stopped her heart. Or something. Then he took their son. To be fair, Niki tried to frame him for robbery. And she’s still alive.

Matt. Matt is the name of the cop that can read minds. He has used his powers to save a girl and to save his marriage. Now he just need to save the cheerleader.

Isaac, the future painter, packed up his stuff and left. His stuff being his paintings and his heroin. He has a lust for life. I feel like taking a cruise or gaining financial freedom.

Nathan is a congressman or something that can fly. A bear, maybe. No, he isn’t a Hiro bear. But he can fly. And we just found out that his wife is in a wheelchair. Just like Professor X!

Kyle, Claire’s brother, found and watched the tape of her doing things that would normally kill a person. Superheroes need secret identities. I guess a cheerleader already wears a uniform. Unless they are three wine coolers into their senior prom night. Zing!

Hiro just saved Niki’s ex while he saved someone from a car fire. Their is a lot of saving in this show. Rightfully so. Explosions frozen in time are nifty.

Matt and his not pretty boss got a giant dose of radiation from a room that burnt up or blew up or something. When that giger counter starts to tick, you don’t go to see if it gets louder. You get out of there and wait for people in neat suits to come.

The little kid of Niki and her ex? He can fix phones by touching them. Maybe other things. I like to think it is just phones. Very specific powers would amuse me greatly.

Just an okay episode. Characters didn’t develop much, except for a few more people with super powers.

Heroes left us off with a murdering ex in Niki’s house. I should specify ex-husband. Not ex-butcher, or ex-baker, or ex-candlestick maker.

Peter and Hiro has a nice little chat about saving the cheerleader. All the while, the cheerleader takes cupcakes out of the oven with no oven mitts. Heck, I’d do that if I could heal myself. You could also use Arrested Development’s Cornballer without fear.

Niki didn’t tell the cops who came to her door that her murderous ex was inside. Or bank robbing ex. I’m not sure exactly what he did or tried to do.

Beating up Hiro and his porno pal wasn’t enough for the cheated cowboys. They are back for more. More beating ups. Or maybe they really do just want to talk. Should they talk about the weather?

Hiro and friend hid in a bathroom while someone came in and caused a ruckus in their farce of a poker game. The angry cowboy became less angry when Hiro worked his magic for him. He became less happy when he was killed.

Niki and her ex are going to talk to a horse, from what I can gather. The ex says he was framed. By the people who did the framing are dead. The people that got killed while Hiro was in the bathroom. Niki must have killed them.

The poor actress who hung out with the Indian fellow is actually working for the cheerleader’s evil father. Those were a lot of dots that needed connecting.

Niki and Niki are finally sitting down and talking. Is split personality disorder really a super power? Anywho, it was Niki that framed her ex and stole the 2 million dollars.

Niki’s ex can put himself through stuff! And hands into hearts, like Neo in the Matrix. Man, that was a terrible moment in movie history.

Heroes finally won me over at the end of last week. Do you think they’ll screw their victory up this week? Look at me, always assuming the worst.

Hiro paused time and told one of the super brothers that he needs to save the cheerleader. Speaking of the cheerleader, she is alive after the car crash and so is the rapist. And the other brother who was captured by the evil guy? He flew away at super sonic speeds.

I sound like that jabbering fellow at the bus stop who tries to hand out pamphlets, but his hands are empty.

Peter is the brother that copies the powers of others. He doesn’t sap them. No, I don’t mean SAP them. I don’t speak Spanish. If Peter is near his flying brother, he can fly. If he is near the painter, he can paint the future. What if he is by multiple heroes at the same time? Does he become extra super powerful? That is my guess.

The mind reading cop, who was being tortured, woke up on his couch with no memory of the evil torture that is evil.

Hiro and his iPod porn loving friend got kicked out of Vegas for cheating. While Hiro is eating alone at a diner, the flying fellow lands in the parking lot. Hiro, having had a fight with his English speaking friend, will not be able to get his point across to flying fellow.

Guess who picked up English really well? It’s Hiro, who gets a ride from his new flying friend. Not on his back either, in a car. I wish Hiro had ridden on his back.

Nathan. Flying man’s name is Nathan. Nathan. I’ll write it one more time so I can remember it. Wait, what was it? Damn, I wasted too much time explaining my plan, I forgot his name. Just my luck.

Peter is piecing together Isaac’s paintings, unraveling the mystery that is the cheerleader. Too bad for him it involves wearing thick white contact lenses like Jordi Laforge.

Ahhhhh, Niki is the iPod stripper. Everything is coming together. Along with her murderous ex-husband sneaking in. My guess is to murder.

The episode wasn’t as good as the one last week. It didn’t loose me though.

Heroes is a show I gave up on, but you won’t let me give up. NBC has picked it up for a full season, so they haven’t given up on it either. I’m screwed, aren’t I?

The titanium cheerleader’s evil father has captured the mind reading cop and is bathing him in blue light. Man, it’s a good thing I’m not the only one who hates blue light.

Hey, the super characters just crossed paths in a casino! And then nothing happened. Something should have exploded. This show already blew up New York once. I can’t make too many demands.

The cheerleader who died again last episode was identified as a Jane Doe at the morgue during her autopsy. If only they had a way to tell who people were! That doesn’t seem like a cheap cop out at all, said the blogger with ultimate sarcasm.

The flying politician blew off the Indian fellow and his warnings of skull cap removal. Would you vote for a flying politician? If they went, “I know you want to know my stance on abortion, but check this out,” and then did a loop-dee-loop? How couldn’t you vote for that?

The time stopping fellow has been tricked by his iPod porn wielding friend to use his special powers to gamble. Better him getting rich than Tom Cruise.

Things are a bit more interesting this episode, as the plots of the current super heroes are starting to interact. That is a relief. It is easier to concentrate on a show when you don’t need to keep a notebook of fifty seperate stories.

The time stopping fellow isn’t being very subtle in his cheating. While his friend was playing poker, he switched his crappy hand for the other fellow’s great hand. Sure, nobody would believe that could happen, but you should try to be a little more coy.

The handy dandy fellow who can paint the future? He needs to shoot up before his super power kicks in. Can you get medicinal heroin?

The casino got wise and kicked out the cheating duo. They are lucky they didn’t get taken into the back room. Oh, the cowboy who got cheated at the poker table was waiting for them. You can’t stop time if you get knocked out.

The mass murdering high priced hooker just kicked a bigger fellow’s ass. It might have been her husband. It would have been neat to see the murderous side of her come out, if it weren’t for the stupid dialogue that started it.

On no! More blue light! Run!

My faith in this show has been renewed. The cheerleader just asked for a lift home from the captain of the football squad. You know him, the rapist captain of the football squad? She wanted to drive though. Drive them right into a wall! That is the kind of cheerleader death I can accept, not just falling on a stick.

And Hiro came back from the future and could speak English. Obviously.