Tonight’s viewing of Full House is sponsored by Anonymous. Anonymous torture? Now I don’t know who to shake my fist at! I guess the sky will do!

Ahhh, Michelle said “dude.” I forgot the overpowering sea of catchphrases that Full House is. You can’t even see across it.

Joey gets to open for Wayne Newton in Vegas. He doesn’t want his father there. What do the girls do? Invite his dad. Ready, set, situation comedy! Whoa, the first act just ended with Joey’s dad showing up. That seems a little quick.

Joey’s dad is disappointed that he is a comedian. Funny, that disappoints me too.

“Cut it out.” Drink.

Do Popeye impressions count as a comedy act? Don’t answer. It’s rhetorical. If you are a slow reader and answered already, apology accepted.

Joey and daddy are making up. How can I tell? The soft piano is swelling. That also means the credits are coming. That’s the best new I’ve heard all day!

This is the second time this year that I have had to watch Full House. The show is an example of how sitcoms have not gone down hill in recent years. Sitcoms have been holding steady at terrible for a long time. You think According to Jim is bad? Admittedly, it is not any worse that Full House or Family Matters.

Tonight’s episode revolves around Michelle being afraid of a goat boy she saw in the tabloids, and Joey is having a charity hockey tournament against his college hockey rival. Joey and Michelle are both very torn up. Torn up by jackals? I’m afraid not.

A physical comedian, John Stamos ain’t. Any sort of comedian, actually. It would take much longer to name all the types of comedians he isn’t.

There is an episode of Judd Apatow’s Undeclared that makes a very good point about how terrible and unfunny imitations are. I would like to think that Dave Coulier was the inspiration for that episode. Don’t you just want to cut his face with a rusty razor every time he opens his mouth?

It’s about time to learn a lesson from this episode. I had better plug my ears and sing loudly, as I am opposed to learning anything from Full House.