Doctor Who has become one of my favorite shows, and it is all because of you! Is that a new shirt? You’re looking sharp!

Skin of metal, brain of a man. A fellow in a wheelchair has made a “cyberman” whose very existence is in conflict with the Geneva Convention. Wheelchair man doesn’t care, and he orders the cyberman to murder his tattletale assistant. Cybermen don’t ask questions. Yet.

Meanwhile, with the Doctor, that Tardis dies due to the time vortex disappearing. I blame David Copperfield. There are in London, but it isn’t the other David Copperfield‘s fault. This alternate version of London has tons of leadless zeppelins overhead.

Rose’s dad is still alive in this backwards London. He is a very successful advertisement. Er, advertising executive. Politician? Regardless, this means there is an alternate reality Rose too. Rose is a dog. Is that alternate enough for you?

Wheelchair man in the floating balloons can download information from minds of London’s citizens. That is what you get when you have metal antennas in your ears. What would be worth downloading from my mind? The trick is to be forgetful, so you are useless. Then the world is yours.

Men in nice white suits are stealing homeless men. Oh, this is happening in the show too.

Meanwhile, the Doctor blew 10 years of his life into a little recharging device for the Tardis. Don’t worry, he has a lot of time left in him. He is a Time Lord after all. The could teach CEOs something about time management. And smiling.

The Prime Minister and Rose’s alt daddy just got on the wheelchair man’s blimp. And those antennas in the heads of the good citizens? Bluetooth. They download weather, news, jokes, and everything right into their heads. Aside from downloading your thoughts, that sounds pretty nice.

The homeless men are getting upgrades! It is charity, really. Or evil. Evil charity. The homeless men are now cybermen! Do cybermen dream of electronic soup?

Mickey has a subplot that I am uninterested in. I don’t fancy Micky too much. He is whiny. Rose is whiny sometimes, but at least she is having fun.

Now the cybermen are going to ruin a perfectly lovely 40th birthday party. The Doctor, while not unphased, has seen them before. Cybermen, not birthdays. Probably birthdays too. But after thousands of them, you probably stop caring. Birthdays, not cybermen.

The goal of the cybermen is to upgrade everyone to cybermen. And women. I haven’t seen any cyberboobies though. Maybe it is just men.

Oh no! The hour is almost over and the Doctor is surrendering to an army of cybermen! Delete, delete, delete, delete, to be continued. Curses!

After an odd and uncomfortable day off, we come back to Doctor Who. I may have been going through television withdrawal.

The episode starts off as all television episodes do, with a young lady yelling into a fire place. Then we are suddenly thrust 3000 years into the future. But what of the fireplace?

3000 years in the future the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey find a fireplace. On the other side is a young version of the lady from 18th century France. With a quick pull of a lever the Doctor is swept away to Paris in this young girl’s bedroom. What does he find? A hairy clock mime monster hiding under the little girl’s bed. It is a robot too. What do monsters have nightmares of? The Doctor. Well set up, writers.

Doctor Who brings the childhood delight of imagination into your homes. There are no restrictions on its story telling. Robots in France using a future space ship to slip through a fireplace and scan a girl’s brain? Of course. Why wouldn’t they? Simply delightful.

Every time the Doctor passes through the fireplace, years have passed by in France. The young lady is the uncrowned queen of France. She thought the Doctor to be her imaginary friend, and wastes no time in showing him what a French kiss really is once he appears again.

The Doctor is, once again, in love. He likes humans way too much. I barely tolerate them. He may have met his match, as the young girl is to become the king’s mistress. Who could resist the Doctor? Even when wearing his dorky glasses. Hold on a minute, I have dorky glasses! Damn.

The creepy robot is made out of clockworks. Oddly enough, he is less creepy than Tick Tock from Return to OZ. This robot has repaired its ship with pieces of its crew members. It needs one more piece, the mistress’ brain. But only when it’s finished. Or, as I call it, ripe. A sweet and ripe brain.

And clock robots got Mickey and Rose. So it life.

While the Rose and Mickey are captured, the Doctor stumbles in very drunk. That doesn’t last long, as he gets down to business.

The ship turns out to be a sort of space Being John Malkovich hole into the young lady’s stages of life.

The Doctor used the horse to…what? What’s your problem? Yes, he has a horse on the spaceship. Now before I was interrupted, the Doctor used a horse to smash through a time window. Smashing means he can’t get back to the ship. He is stuck 3000 years in the past. He doesn’t seem to mind. He is in love.

The fireplace is still intact! So a quick spin through and the Doctor is back. But now the young lady, whose name I haven’t bothered to spell, has passed on. Ahhh, the loneliness of being the last time lord. Seeing all those you love pass on.

What a bittersweet story. What a wonderful show.

Doctor Who starts off with a creepy headmaster. For those of you Yanks, like me, a headmaster is like a principal. Never mind the difference in colloquialisms. The headmaster just ate a little girl!

It is a good thing the Doctor just happens to be teaching physics at this school. He is up to something. Rose is a lunch lady. Do they have a different word for that too? Slopwrangler?

Some toxic waste that was in the school kitchen spilled on a slopwrangler. She was hurried away into another room where she exploded into a puff of vapor. Do you think that would clear up your sinuses if you took a deep breath? Nothing loosens the mucus like slopwrangler steam.

There is a secret room full of children typing at about a billion words per minute. Secretary training, of course!

Hold the phone, the doctor is in love with an investigative journalist. Hold the phone? People only say that in movies because script writers are trying to write naturally.

The journalist knew the Doctor in one of his previous forms. She must have been from much earlier in the series, as one of the Doctor’s companions.

The headmaster and teachers? They are big bat people who sleep in the school.

Sarah Jane, the previous companion, brought a friend along in her trunk. K-9, a broken tin dog. A wind up monkey who claps his cymbals would be more useful.

K-9 sounds a bit like a stuttering Dalek. I mean, a drunken Christmas tree.

The bat people actually looked a bit like humans centuries ago. They take the best bits of the races they conquer, mentally and physically. This turned them into ugly bats. “Best” is a matter of opinion, which is why you can say you make the “best bagels in the world” and not get sued. It is subjective.

The bat people are using the children’s brains and souls to crack the building blocks of the universe. That is where I would have failed. I would have just used their souls. How many souls of children would I have gone through before I finally gave up?

K-9 saved the day with lasers that shoot from his nose. Saved it for a while. You can’t shoot lasers out of your nose forever. Eventually, you’ll need a sandwich.

The little dog that could exploded the bat people with their own green goo. I will pretend that it was guano. Going to the bathroom must be really tough for them. Well, not any more. Because, you know, they exploded.

Rose’s friend Mickey is now along for the journey. The universe journey. I guess we’re all on a universal journey. We just don’t move about as much.

While I enjoyed last week’s episode of Doctor Who, I am supposed to really love this one. I guess we’ll see.

Hold on a second here, the episode starts with ninja monk repo men? Hot diggity damn. This show is great. No diggity. I, for one, would like to bag it up. Bag it up.

The Doctor and Rose travel to 1979, probably to see me being born. Whoops, they ended up in 1879 Scotland. That isn’t even close to my birthday or birthplace.

No bother. The Doctor and Rose meet and accompany Queen Victoria on a little trip. The last time I was forced to watch something about traveling queens, it was To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

Rose’s goal is to make Queen Victoria say, “We are not amused.” It will happen before the episode is over, do not worry.

The monks have totally and secretly taken over the home where the Queen has stopped for the night. You can tell, because they are quite bald. And they poisoned all the guards. You can tell by that as well.

Werewolf! The werewolf wants to pass its blood on to Queen Victoria. There is a full moon tonight as well. Of all the dumb luck.

The Doctor is, in keeping with his MO, more charmed by the wolf than afraid. It may want to bite him, but what an amazing creature, right? Being however many hundreds or thousands of years old, the Doctor is still so delighted by everything. Makes this 9 to 5 business seem like a real waste.

Rose has a bit of a creepy side to her. She knew the captain of the guard was going to be ripped apart by the wolf, but she kept watching. If I were ripped apart by a werewolf, I would like it to at least amuse one person.

Books, so we were told, are the greatest weapons in the world. Who wants to carpool to the library? Do they call libraries something else in the UK? Like Bookie Dooblers?

How do you defeat a werewolf if you are fresh out of silver bullets? Too much moonlight. Just like how you could destroy me with too many oyster wings and pot stickers from Leeann Chin.

The Doctor and Rose were just knighted and daned respectively. Then they were banished. Banished by a werewolf Queen who created the Torchwood Institute to defend against the Doctor? That will come into play sometime. Or has. That was probably a big wink to something I don’t understand.

Two episodes of Doctor Who in one night? I’m a lucky fellow. In this episode, Rose and the Doctor go five thousand or five billion years into the future. All I know is there is a five and a lot of zeros.

It must be billion. After the original Earth burnt out, the nostalgic Earthlings decided to make another Earth, for old time’s sake.

What do you do when you are on the New Earth? Go check out a hospital, of course. Everyone loves a good hospital. Especially when they are going to visit a giant head in a giant jar. The Doctor gets better acquainted with the head while someone brought Rose down to the basement. It was a big flap of skin hooked up to a brain in a jar. Jars jars jars. Mason jars must be sponsoring this episode.

The skin lady zapped herself into Rose’s body. You had to see that coming. It happens every day.

Oh yeah, I’ve been enjoying the new Doctor. He is charming and fun and inquisitive and serious. It is going to be a good second season. Or series. Or second season of the second series.

The cat doctors are growing humans in chambers to test out the cure of all diseases. Oh yeah, cat doctors run this hospital. It’s a Cat Fancy subscriber’s dream.

This skin lady in Rose has some grudge against the Doctor. She has the Doctor trapped in a chamber…oop, he is out. So are all the diseased humans. They aren’t fans of cats. They are very much like zombies. As you should be well aware, I am a fan of zombies. Not that I envy zombies and want to be one. They are just fun.

Wow, cat lady turning into a zombie and then falling many stories to her death. That’s a bit of madness.

The Doctor cured the zombie flesh chamber beings, and now they’re clean. A new fresh version of the human race. It’s fresh like a hotel bathroom, when they fold the toilet paper over into that little triangle point. Fresh human toilet paper points.

All the cats are being arrested. Skin lady floaty sparkle breath is dying. Big head teleported away. Huh. That was a pretty good episode, even if the ending was a bit odd. Heck, the whole thing was a bit odd. The whole series is odd. I like it.

Doctor Who starts off on Christmas, or close to it. The Doctor is in his new form, which confuses the heck out of Mickey and Rose’s mother. Rose is the Doctor’s traveling companion. Because when you want to go on a road trip through space and time you need some company. And not Britney Spears.

Oh, hey! That’s the mum from Shaun of the Dead. She was running for office in a previous episode of Doctor Who. It looks like she got elected. Or she took power. I prefer to think she took power. She might have threatened to release aliens with zippers in their forehead. That would make me give up my seat in the government.

The Doctor is sick, and creepy masked Saint Nicks are trying to blow up Rose and Mickey. I proclaim that a creepy Saint Nick is worse than a scary clown. Imagine the two side by side, and you will feel the same way.

Oh no! Evil spinning Christmas tree! This seems much more deadly than a Dalek. Daleks aren’t remote controlled by creepy Santas.

The pilot fish in Santa outfits are after the Doctor. You’re right, that is a weird sentence, but it is what it is. The Doctor is too full of energy, and all the bad guys can smell his power belches.

The pilot fish, yes yes, weird. The pilot fish are just scavengers, hanging off of something much bigger. And meaner. And scarier than a creepy Santa. Impossible! But we’ll see.

Harriet Jones, from Shaun of the Dead, is Prime Minister. She’s a bit off and goofy, but not wacky and stupid. It’s a good level.

Now scary calf lizard head aliens are coming to Earth. I guess I didn’t need to say “scary.” It was implied. They are called Sycoraxilixacs. Something like that. I’ll call them Syc, because it is easier for me to write and remember. It makes me feel smarter.

The aliens just put a blue spell on a bunch of Earthlings. It makes their heads glows blue. It also makes them go up to the roof. Maybe it makes them blue, as in sad, too. So blue and blue.

1/3 of their world’s population is on a roof somewhere, waiting to jump. That’s quite the hostage situation, Sycs.

The aliens are controlling only humans with A+ blood. And glass just exploded everywhere because of a sonic boom caused by the alien spaceship. I dare say, they are up to no good.

The scary lizard skull was just a helmet! Oh no, they are scary underneath too. The Prime Minister is on the space ship now. A couple of her friends got whipped. And by whipped, I mean whipped with an electronic whip that leaves nothing but a skeleton. You know, whipped.

Rose is captured, but the Doctor woke up and saved the day in the nick of time. The aliens are still in a prime position to cause damage, but the Doctor is a powerful fellow. He isn’t too worried.

How many times has the Doctor saved Earth? We’re rather lucky he has such an affinity for humans. I tend to like humans too. Not all humans. Some of them are jerks.

Wait a minute now, the Doctor’s hand just got cut off. He was more amazed by the fact than in pain. That’s probably shock, or the fact that he is an alien who we keep learning new things about.

No worries, the hand grew back and defeated the alien overlord. The Doctor threw in a comment that he new Arthur Dent. Fantastic. This show is so perfectly goofy and wonderfully put together. Full of ideas and imagination and evil and good.

The Doctor sent the aliens off, never to return. But the Prime Minister decided to blow up their ship as they left. The Doctor was not down with that. And thus, he brought down her rein with a few simple words. What a dandy show.

Now it’s time for part two of Doctor Who. Rhyming can be fun, if it’s well done.

Hey, electrocuting one alien electrocutes them all. Who knew? Well, the Doctor, probably. That’s why he did it. Sorry, that was a stupid question.

The actor who plays the Doctor changes about every season, I think. I haven’t seen any other Doctors, but I rather like this one. He’s goofy in a Bugs Bunny sort of way.

The aliens have the Doctor and pals trapped. We’re still figuring out their scheme, since it is not to take over Earth.

The zipper heads are having a grand old time inviting all of their zipper head friends and family over. I don’t think it’s for a kegger or book club meeting.
The aliens have found Mickey and Rose’s mother. Luckily, vinegar makes them explode due to calcium something. Lack thereof, I think. Osteoporosis, maybe? That means vinegar will make old people explode too. If you see an old person trying to eat a pickle, knock them to the ground!

Zipper friends seem to want nuclear bombs to go off. They have asked the UN for permission to launch some nukes. They also have an insane desire to be naked. Which is creepy and hilarious when coming from a tubby man who reaches for his head.

Mickey just launched some sort of missile from some sort of submarine from some sort of computer. He didn’t even whine about it. It looks like he is growing up. Don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

The missile was directed to blow up the building that Rose, the Doctor, and the lady from Shaun of the Dead were in. It blew up the aliens, of course. Oh, and the Doctor and pals are okay. There wasn’t even a cliff hanger. Not even a commercial break. I appreciate that.

Shaun of the Dead lady goes on to become Prime Minister. Who knew she was of the cloth…oh yeah, that’s right. Different kind of minister. I keep forgetting. Sorry, Britain.

The Doctor gave Rose an ultimatum. He’s leaving in two hours, so Rose can stay or go. No dinner with mother. No goodbye to friends. Just leaving. It looks like it was an easy decision. Someone is a little adrenaline junkie.

Two hours of Doctor Who? I’m done fighting the fact that I am a geek. You hear that? I’m happy to be watching science fiction.

Since I saw the finale, we’ve started over near the beginning of season one. The Doctor has taken his companion, Rose, back to her home for a visit. He tells her that they’ve been gone for 12 hours. Turns out it’s been 12 months. Whoops.

People were a little worried about her disappearing. Remember, adventures are not as fun when you have people at home who don’t know what’s happening. If you’re going on an adventure, always leave a note. I’m sure Indiana Jones always left a note.

Rose can’t tell her mother where she really was, because she was traveling time and space. I mean, she could tell her. It would win her a free vacation.

Did I say “to the loony bin?” That’s what I meant.

Now there is a broken space ship crashing through Big Ben and terrorizing London. It also crashed in the Thames. What do you know? I do know a little geography.

London is in a bit of a panic. I bet this doesn’t happen every day. Unless the Brits have been hiding something from us Americans. Have you been hiding things from us? You can tell me. I won’t tell. Much.

The British government captured an alien body from the ship. British government? Oh, the guys with the powdered wigs, right?

Now the Prime Minister is missing. Why are people so worried about a priest? Ohhh, a different kind of minister.

The new Prime Minster and some people are laughing. They must be those skin aliens I saw in a later episode.

Hey, that’s the mother from Shaun of the Dead. She’s snooping around the aliens who people don’t know are aliens. It looks like she is also in the next episode I’m watching, and in the infamous The Christmas Invasion episode fans seem to thrill about.

The little alien from the crashed UFO that they thought was dead is now alive. It’s a little pig man. A little pig man? No matter, it’s dead now.

I was right, it was the zipper head aliens. The tiny pig man was a distraction. Let that be a lesson to all of you. If you see a tiny pig man, don’t pay any attention to it. Something else is going on!

Rose had a boyfriend she left, so she could have space and time adventures. His name is Mickey. He seems like a bit of a complainer.

The Doctor is on a watch list. Once Rose’s mom flipped out and called the authorities, the military showed up at the TRADIS’ door. One thing about the TARDIS, it is very inviting to knock on its door.

The zipper head aliens fart a lot. We’re all learning a whole bunch of tips from this show! Don’t trust people who fart a lot! That one kind of goes without saying.

So the zippers open up and big green things pop out. In a smart move, they gathered all the alien experts on the planet together. You know, to kill them all. That’s using your head. Or, rather, someone else’s head.