It was a very close race for first, but Deal of No Deal won out over Antiques Roadshow. This is the second week of almost for the antiques. Maybe you will make it someday, tiny PBS show that could not.

Just so you are aware, before we get any further in to it, I hate this show. We have a whole hour together to get into the details. There is no need to blurt it all out right away.

I am sad that Jon Levitz is doing commercials for Subway.

The show’s opening sequence is yelling at me about why America loves Deal or No Deal. There are five reasons. I did not write them down, sorry. Oh, I remember one of them. It was the models. The ladies they have opening cases. They are wearing some slinky blue outfit. I am predicting they will smile vacantly and open cases throughout the show. Let us see if I am right.

For all of you writing me hate mail about Make Me Watch TV being a stupid waste of time, let me see the letters you have sent to the Deal or No Deal models. They stand there and open suitcases. That is their job. They do not work for a drug lord. They are not providing a kidnapper with their ransom. They are on a game show open to suitcases.

One part of this show I do like is the banker. He calls down and tries to make a deal for the game show contestant’s suitcase. Or briefcase. I suppose it is a briefcase. I am an idiot.

Howie Madel, the host of the show, has never met the banker. He talks to him on the phone. But he has never met him. It is nice that he wants the mystery to work with. I can respect that.

I do like when the contestants dance. They look pretty dumb. Sure they are excited, but it makes for great slow motion Tivoing.

The first lady won a lot of money. She could have won more. She was only OK at opening briefcases at random. That is not something you can put on a resume. Even if you are really good at opening things at random, you will not get much work. Maybe as a security officer at an airport.

The new contestant has eight children. That is too many children. That is six too many children. Maybe even eight too many children.

Everyone claps when Howie says things, like “one million dollars!” What a surprise! Nobody knew that you could win one million dollars! Heck, they clap for every case that the contestant chooses! Then they clap again after it is open! It is like their hands are trying to kill each other.

The show is so slow! Pausing between each case that is opened. Pausing between bank offers. Pausing for 20 seconds of lead up to the commercial break. It does not create suspense if it happens the exact same way every single episode.

Old lady contestant has someone keeping track of the case numbers and the amounts in the cases. She has a method, like those people who take notes on video roulette at the casino. Red 5 came up twice in a row 15 games ago? That does not help much with a random game, man. Sorry.

If I were on the show, I would open all the cases in order. First one, then two, then three, followed by four, with five coming after that. The chances are just as likely that I would make good choices that way.

Contestants often choose numbers around major events in their life. If their son was born in April, they will choose four. It has to be hard not to feel a little bad when case number has a lot of money in it. Little did they know that, when they were born, they would lose their parents one million dollars.

Now they switched the models with the contestant’s children. They will feel even worse if they lose their mother money. I just know the million is going to pop up. What a sad day. You could not get sadder if you were drinking tears from the last dying unicorn. That may be a little much. I apologize. We should all be sending happy thoughts to the lady with eight children.

If there were a drinking game where you drank an ounce for every second Howie takes to lead up to the commercial break, you would die of alcohol poisoning very quickly.

Now we will have to wait until next week to see if she is a big winner. They should go through at least three contestants a show, not one and a half! Soooooo slow!

Ahhh, but she took the deal. Still, one and a half contestants.

What a waste of time. How many more weeks will this show be popular? I bet you can count it on one hand.

deal or no deal game online