The Aerie Girls may be saying, “I can really identify with Rory Gilmore because I have gone through heartbreak before,” but all I’m hearing is, “I am being paid by American Eagle to act like I am having a casual conversation with my friends.”

The Aerie Girls are a made up group of girls, like O-Town (snap?), created by American Eagle to pretend to be your friends. As thrilling as that may be for the 13 year old boys out there, it makes me very angry.

American Eagle has teamed up with The CW on Tuesdays to bring you the Aerie Girls during commercial segments of the Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars. During these commercials, the Aerie Girls will relate to each other about what has happened during the TV shows you have been watching. By “relate” I mean “read words from a script.”

If you are a commercial for American Eagle, come out and say you are a commercial for American Eagle. Don’t put on this horribly fake persona and pretend I’m an idiot.

And another thing. Radio, I’m talking to you here. I know you are not in a bar talking to real people about what shows are coming up this week. Cut the act. If I was deaf and blind and had no nerve endings and was dead, I could see right through your horrible advertising techniques.

I want everyone to get mad about this Aerie Girls thing. Get angry. Let American Eagle know that you aren’t a stupid cow in a field chewing your cud and waiting to be slaughtered. No, that’s too cliché.

Let American Eagle know you had a casual conversation about the Aerie Girls with your friends, and have decided to shop at the GAP instead.

Wait, the GAP has those creepy Audrey Hepburn commercials. I think we’re in a lose-lose situation here, American consumers.

Just shop at Target. Yeah, that’ll work.

Hot Girls Hot Girls

Bad TV is our own fault. As archaic as the Nielsen ratings system is, it decides what makes money and what ends up in the recycling bin.

As you watch what I watch, Nielsen is watching what Americans watch. The TV networks are paying attention. They can’t afford not to. The American consumer is their bread and butter. Without an audience, there is no advertising space to sell.

We have all the power we need to demand quality television. Instead of using that power, we squander it away while settling for the unimaginative regurgitation of television programs we have seen before.

We don’t love television, we have settled for television. We have settled for it because it is easy to access. The same thing would happen if you lived in a pool of chocolate pudding. You would keep eating chocolate pudding.

Why aren’t we pickier with our television? That would take effort on our part. When there were nothing good on TV we could actually have to do something constructive with our time. That is a lot harder than sitting around and passing the time away though.

I am not saying television is evil. It is something I enjoy quite a bit. But when brilliant shows like Arrested Development, Everwood, Futurama, and Invasion are cancelled, it isn’t the network’s fault. All they have to do is follow the numbers. The numbers don’t lie. America isn’t watching quality television.

If we keep eating slop, the farmer is going to keep feeding us slop. If we stop eating slop, the farmer will do what he must to keep us fat and happy. We must demand higher quality feed, my fellow swine!

Television doesn’t control us, we control television. The next time that you watch Two and a Half Men, Gilmore Girls, or What I Like About You just because it is on, think of what you are telling the networks. You are telling them that you are okay with mediocrity.

Enough people have been suggesting, nay, complaining that I should be watching certain shows from the very first season.

Here is your chance to make that happen. With summer reruns fast approching, and some free time on the weekends, I have considered being forced to watch TV DVDs.

For now, it is purely a weekend thing. But in the slow summer seasons, the DVDs may appear as options for voting.

How does it work? Just donate to the purchase of your favorite or least favorite TV DVD set. Anything for Little House on the Prairie to DragonBall Z. Alias to Veronica Mars. Whatever you want me to watch.

Once enough funds have been donated to a DVD set, it will be purchased and I will begin watching here and there. Of course the reviews of the show will be up on this website, with enough attitude to drown a horse. That is a lot of attitude.

So what are you waiting for? Donate to Make Me Watch TV DVDs now!

With the voting results coming in, it looks like I will be watching a few shows that I have never seen before. A few of these shows I will be coming into mid-season and mid-plotline. A few examples are 24, Veronica Mars, and Smallville. Oh yeah, and Gilmore Girls. Who can forget about the girls?

Will I be completely lost or will I still be able to enjoy the shows? It looks like we will be finding out tonight, as 24 has really taken the lead over Supernanny.

I am also very worried about coming into Antiques Roadshow mid-season. “Is that 18th century stool having an affair with that fake Victorian tea set that is also a terrorist,” I will ask myself. I will not know the answer to that.

No more takers to force me into watching TV yet? No problem. Let me spout some opinions at you.

Deal or No Deal has no content to it! It’s a guessing game with commercial breaks. Milton Bradley’s Guess Who game had more strategy too it. If the contestant was able to ask if the model holding a million dollars had a mustache or was wearing a hat, maybe that would be something.

That is not the case, no pun intended. Actually, that pun was intended. Sorry.

If I wanted to see random stuff opened, I’d go to my family reunion and video tape the white elephant gift exchange. Thanks, I’ll pass.

The pace of Deal or No Deal is so slow! If Howie Mandel sped up his lead in to the commercial breaks, they could fit another ten contestants on each episode.

“We’ll tell you what’s in the case, that case right there, case 20, that you picked, the one you pointed to, and that you want to open, that you hope isn’t a lot of money, that would be good if it’s a small amount, because you want to go home with a lot of money…right after this break,” says Howie. Am I watching an American Idol results show? Stop with all the fluff!

All of these things make for a terrible TV show. The one saving grace isn’t the prize money. It is when the contestants dance and I play it back in slow motion. I wonder if they know how stupid they look. I don’t really wonder. They have no idea. I have an idea. But they won’t listen to me.

To all of this I say, Deal or No Deal needs to die a horrible death.