In an off time slot tonight, I watch Lou Dobbs Tonight sponsored by Chris Crosby of Superosity. Yes yes, I will consider sponsorships that are out of the 7pm to 9pm time period. Why I’m stretching the boundaries to watch cable news, I have no idea.

I have never caught a glimpse of Lou Dobbs before. Is “Whitey” in the dictionary? I think Lou Dobbs’ picture would be right next to the entry.

The headline story is more about wire tapping. More? I thought we were done with this. Or maybe I was just done with it. You can’t seriously expect me to pay attention to current events that don’t involve kidnapped young girls in a foreign paradise.

Lou Dobbs is doing very little talking. He has little floating box heads talking for him. People live from Capital Hill and other such glamorous places. Oh, maybe just Capital Hill. Let’s mix it up, Lou. I want to see reports from the black forest. Or under the sea!

If Lou Dobbs is ever in a sex scandal, I am sure he will be called Lewd Dobbs. Don’t try to picture Lewd Dobbs in a sex scandal. It isn’t a pretty mental picture.

I’m not following the plot here. Phone tapping is creating illegal immigrants? What does that have to do with failing students graduating?

Boy oh boy, there is a lot about illegal immigrants. There must not be any other news today. Or yesterday. Or the day before that.

My favorite thing about people in congress is they don’t give a damn about what their hair looks like.

They are talking about how the government can’t track people who overstay their visas, but UPS can tell where a package is at any time. That the stupidest comparison I have ever heard. Sure, we should be able to track people and their visas. But they do have legs and free will. They can get up and walk around on their own. Tiny packages can not.

Ahhh! Wax man! Ahhhhh! Oh, wait. It’s just Sen. Ron Wyden. He looks like a melting candle. All shiny and droopy. It’s odd how his lips and ears are so full and luscious. Can you have luscious ears?

Sen. Pat Roberts looks like the old man from Babe. I’m waiting for him to say, “That’ll do, Lou. That’ll do.”

Illegal immigrants and wire taps. How can they talk so much about these things and provide no new information? Well shut my mouth, they’re talking about failing grades now. Sorry, Lou. I misjudged you.

47k California students failed their high school exit exams. These exams are rated at an 8th grade level. I could see that happening, if the test was 100% geography. Did you know that Idaho and Ohio are not different names for the same state? It’s true!

Damn you, Chris Crosby. This hour is time I could have been sleeping or writing a poem about clouds.