Boy, you guys sure like Thursdays, don’t you? Let’s watch…Ugly Betty? Huh. That’s peculiar.

From what I can gather, this show is about a girl named Betty. If only there were an adjective to describe her appearance.

Five minutes into the show, and I have yet to see any relatable characters. Okay, I can put that aside. After all, I loved Arrested Development. Let’s see, let’s see. Something to like. Something to like. The over the top gay characters? Mmmmm, nope. Vanessa Willia…no. Story line about illegal immigration? No. Son of a gun, I think I’m screwed.

Woo hoo! Time for a hilarious attempt at a make over, Betty! This is sure to be trite. And…it was. Oh, you should have seen it. Everything she liked was crazy and ugly! I mean, can you believe it? And then her final outfit was just her original outfit, slightly modified. My pancreas just fell out of my split side!

How do you make a club scene look hip and trendy? Shake that camera!

I still have another half hour of this show? What can I use as a coping mechanism? Maybe if I slam my hand in a door, I can transfer the pain.

Oh no! Betty’s dad’s caseworker is a fraud! That can keep the threat of deportation going for the rest of the season.

Crazy ex-case worker is going all Kathy Bates on him. She has a sky blue tux for him to wear at their wedding ceremony. Sure, he could have busted through the screen door with ease. But we have another fifteen minutes to waste.

October Road? What the hell is October Road?

Statutory R? The show is a big barrel of laughs, isn’t it? Or is it a drama? It doesn’t seem like much of either.

Hey! What the… You voted for Monk instead of something terrible. Are you feeling okay? Maybe you should lay down.

Sir, your first mistake was to walk down a dark alley at night. Your next mistake was to have a plastic bag placed over your head. I must point out to you the poisoning, stabbing, shooting, and running over of you that followed is also not a good idea. Yours truly, Aric.

Oh Monk, you don’t know how to use cellphones. It is you versus the shiny van full of FBI detectives full of gadgets. You beat out the men and their machines, John Henry. You beat them out!

Monk is learning to use a computer. Doesn’t he know that computers are about the filthiest things in the universe? I can’t even imagine how many germs I picked up just by writing that last sentence.

Monk is using the CD drive as a cup holder. Oddly enough, I was thinking about that myth today in the car. Coincidences!

40 minutes into the show they mentioned John Henry. At least they know what they are referencing.

Technology loses and Monk wins! But you knew that was going to happen. At least it was quirky and fun while happening. Much less frustrating than Trading Spouses.

Have a nice weekend, boys and girls!

Veronica Mars was just arrested for helping some dude escape from jail. By accident, possibly. Or possibly. Obviously possibly.

Veronica and her daddy are also searching for the Dean’s murder. Or were. Veronica is still kind of in jail. That doesn’t stop mafia guys though.

Guess who’s out of jail! That’s right, it’s Veronica! Guess who is being held by a gun wielding escape! You’re wrong. It’s Veronica. President McKinley. What were you thinking?

It’s okay. The gun belonged to the guy in the trunk. In the trunk? It’s like I’m buying some jewelry that is hot.

Logan and the secondary characters are on a scavenger hunt. They must do things like buy large condoms and take a picture of them. Seems a little trivial, when there is murder on the line.

Mac’s roommate, whose name I forgot, is falling for Logan. I think her name begins with a P. Posterior?

Hey, the Dean had inoperable cancer! That’s the kind of thing that could lead to ending it all and not murder! Or a red herring. Actually, absolutely a red herring.

Oh, the coach was dying of something, not the Dean. I should be paying more attention, and not make so many snarky comments.

The Sheriff was clubbed. The Dean’s possible murderer was shot. And Keith, the lucky stalker, showed up in time to clean up.

The coach had himself killed, due to the disease thingy. He left an explanation on DVD. That’s convenient.

Keith is temporary sheriff now. And he is getting down to business! Or biz-nass!

It’s odd how much Gilmore Girls have changed my life. On the car ride home from work I found myself hoping that Gilmore Girls would be canceled. As a normal male human being, this thought should never have to enter my mind.

Lorelai and hubby broke up, and now she and Rory need to break it to her parents. And they ran out of gas. How charming.

Grandfather is recovering from a heart attack. Grandmother is her own terrible self. And for some reason, we have to suffer through it. I don’t watch TV to experience annoyance.

Grumpy grandpa has indicated the soup is not a meal. Finally, I agree with something on Gilmore Girls! Time to break out the champaign!

Tuesday was already a terrible day in my book. The constant strain of Gilmore Girls is going to kill me. Or make me go bald.

Heroes is here to entertain us during sweeps. This means I get to concentrate on 24 more with Tivo. Hooray!

Radio Shack man, er, radioactive shack man was found by a lady who can send emails. Emails from her brain! And I thought those Bluetooth headsets were getting pretty invasive.

Sylar is tagging along with Mohinder to find the other heroes. Mohinder to study them. Sylar to eat their delicious brains.

Bumbling cop also stole some diamonds. I am getting sick of thought reading cop. He and Nikki can be exploded. I would not be sad. In fact, I could be quite happy. Overjoyed, in fact.

Peter and Doctor Who just flew off across the New York skyline after Claire’s dad tried to get them. Man, those would be some nice super powers. Rigging Bingo would be so easy! Also, you could fly. Because walking is a big waste of time.

Claire’s dad has been putting radioactive isotopes into the blood of these heroes. For tracking! I found that strapping an atomic bomb to someone is a pretty good way to track them. They move oh so slowly.

It looks like Sylar absorbed the wrong super power. Super hearing is nice, except when you can’t control it. And he has tickets to the Police reunion tour too? Dang, he’s going to have to give those tickets up.

Stan Lee made a quick cameo as a bus driver. And he didn’t call anyone a “true believer.”

Oooh, lots of good doings a happenings at the end of this episode. Radio Shack and cop have captured Claire’s dad. Issac shot Simone because he was trying to shoot Peter. Those are some fun cliffhangers.

Do you know what I don’t like about Veronica Mars? Veronica Mars. She’s bossy, manipulative, thinks she is always right, closed off, angst ridden, sarcastic, and snoopy. Why are we supposed to like her? Because she used to be popular and now she isn’t? She hasn’t learned humility. I dislike her. There. I’m glad I finally figured that out.

Veronica and Logan are in fight. Oh no, again? My fingernails are already down to their nubs!

The hardass college basketball coach was murdered. Time for Snoopy McSnooperson to get her snoop on.

The sheriff thinks the coach’s son killed his dad. I think so too, because the commercials told me to think so. Thanks for the preview that gives too much away, CW.

Veronica uses her friends too, with little to no thanks. How many times has Weevil stuck out his neck for her? Necks get cut, which removes the head from the body. That is no good for anybody. Except the body. The body is probably, like, “Finally!”

Dick stuck Logan with the little sister of some girl he likes. Logan, all 5 o’clock shadowed up and grumpy, gets to play nanny. Of course, he will learn something about life from this little kid. Next plot point, please.

Dick was in Vegas. So, obviously, he got married. Next plot point, please!

Keith has a cameo in The Wrong Guy, a hilarious and largely unknown movie written by and starring Dave Foley. Netflix it now!

Little girl sent out a dedication on the radio to Veronica from Logan. Little girl is getting a little too snoopy for her own good. Logan had better bump her off.

Then Veronica was arrested for helping coach daddy killer escape somehow. Oh no! Sweeps!

No, I’m not watching American Idol. No, I’m not watching To Catch A Predator. I am stuck, yet again, with the Gilmore Girls. Should I change the name of this site to Make Me Watch the CW? I hate you all.

The girls pull out all the stops for February sweeps! They’re talking unnaturally fast and getting in to absurd situations. What a difference!

Papa Gilmore is recovering from a heart attack, and Bland (Lorelai) is in a fight with her husband who is angry about a letter of recommendation she wrote for Scruffy (Luke). 13 (Rory) is going back to Yale after visiting Papa Gilmore. Explaining the plot to the Gilmore Girls feels like shoveling snow on the Sun. What’s the point?

A funeral for a dog? What a great sweeps stunt!

Watching this show is like eating cotton balls. All squeaky feeling when you’re shewing them and then they travel to your stomach where they sit for one hundred years while collecting every germ that passed by until they kill you. Do you really want to die at 100?

Bland and hubby just had a fight. In other new, the sun rose for about the billionth time today.

13 is all a flutter over the new TA who is taking her grandpa’s Yale class while he gets better. What does any of this matter? Nothing highlights the futility of watching television like a terrible TV program.

It’s over.

Two hours of 24 might be the best possible way to start off a week. Goodbye Blue Monday!

I disagree that two hours of a one hour program qualifies as an “event.” But according to Merriam-Webster, an “event” is “something that happens.” Fine. It’s an event. Happy?

To catch you up on last episode, Papa Bauer is evil. Morris has been captured to make triggers for nukes. Got it? Let’s move forward, soldier.

Whoops. Jack’s evil brother is dead too. He and Hitler are having a big party right now. Streamers and candy. Poison streamers and candy. Regular candy.

And now, advice from Jack Bauer. “Hey kids, don’t have a landing pad for your helicopter? Why not use the top of two semi-truck trailers?” Thanks, Uncle Jack! He’ll be back later with some more great advice.

Evil Tom, the evil adviser to the terrible president, has an even more evil adviser to him. It’s like a giant Russian nesting doll of evil.

Milo is being beat up for his beliefs. His beliefs that he doesn’t want to make triggers for nuclear bombs. Those beliefs will change, in time. Until then, it’s lead pipes for Morris’ back!

Fayed just drilled in to Morris’ shoulder with a drill. That’s the breaking point. Another breaking point? Tortilla chips with no salsa. Who eats tortilla chips plain?

A fire alarm? That was your plan to smoke the terrorists out of an apartment building? Jack, I’m surprised. Maybe you need some sleep.

Morris is okay. Except he armed a nuclear bomb. So not only is he not okay, everyone is not okay. But Jack Bauer is there to disarm the bomb very carefully. But everyone is very disappointed in Milo. But when can you expect from someone named Morris? It’s almost as stupid as Milo.

I am terrible at math. I thought Fayed had two nukes left. He has three. D’oh.

Dammit, I just learned how to spell Fayed. Now I need to spell the name of his boss. Gredanco. Gridancko. Dang, it is Gridenko. So close!

Jack is sad because he thinks he killed his evil brother. It’s like pushing a witch into an oven, Jack. Let it roll off your back.

Milo is getting sent on a mission with Jack and evil brother’s wife. I see a 100% chance of Milo dying.

Also evil dad is taking not evil nephew to evil home of evil dad. Just keeping you briefed on who and what is evil. By the way, all houses are evil. Do you live in a house? Be careful.

See, everyone up in arms about Muslims being portrayed as terrorists? It’s the Russians using them. So they’re more evil. Does that make you happy?

I’m tired of explaining things. Let’s hear from Jack again. “Hey kids, Jack Bauer here. Remember to get your prostate checked yearly.”

Milo is following Jack into the ally behind a fake safe house. Milo is so going down.

Milo is actually doing some slick driving in what looks to be a converted UPS truck.

House exploded. Truck exploded. Things always explode. The end.