Here are Amanda’s words on what she has decided I should watch:

Well, I must say that it was hard not to just take the easy way out and have you watch either “Dirty Dancing” or “Footloose,” (…is WGN on some kind of dancing kick this week?) on Thursday or Friday, but I thought I could be a little more adventurous.

So, at 7:00pm on Court TV (ch. 55), you’ll be tuning in to what I consider to be a really strange/stupid premise for a television show – Beach Patrol: Miami — The activities of Miami’s lifeguards are chronicled, from water rescues to crime investigations. (TV show). Have never seen it, hope it’s not too torturous.

Next, at 7:30pm switch over to CBS (ch. 4) to watch How I Met Your Mother. Haven’t heard anything about it, but it stars Neil Patrick Harris, (gotta love Doogie) and Jason Segel otherwise known as “Nick” from Freaks and Geeks and the infamous “Eric” from Undeclared. I highly recommend these shows on dvd if you haven’t seen them yet — especially Freaks and Geeks!

At 8:00pm on Nickelodeon (ch. 45), I just couldn’t pass up this “Stephanie” episode of Full House — Stephanie, who feels that D.J. and Michelle are getting all the attention, decides to marry her friend Harry. How R-uuude!!

And finally at 8:30pm, you get to choose between either The Simple Life: Til Death Do Us Part on E! (ch. 51) and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nickelodeon (ch. 45). I don’t know why, I just couldn’t choose between the two and I didn’t want to MAKE you watch The Simple Life because I have a feeling it may be on par with Chinese water torture.

Have a great night!

Spring break in Miami shows us the scantly clad men and women at Beach Patrol: Miami Beach who will save the lives of idiots who do not respect Poseidon. All glory to the might Poseidon!

There is a giant crowd of drunken coeds who are moving slowly towards a rip tide that will bring them out to sea. Let them go, I say. Florida is a death trap for the young. That’s the way the old people like it. It is a Venus fly trap for the irresponsible and saline filled.

If you ignore the lifeguards, they can send you to jail! Stay out of those rip tides already! There aren’t many rules at the beach. No glass containers and stay out of the rip tides! Get it together!

One feller got sucked into a rip tide. Two lifeguards had to go out and rescue him. When the situation is finally under control, the wife decides to swim out to him in a panic. That is when natural selection takes over. “Lady! Lady! Woman! Come back to shore! Lady! Come back to shore!” More proof that she should be swept away by mother nature. Use the things on your head! Your eyes and ears are there for a reason.

The show was pretty much COPS on the beach, which is just fine. People are very good at getting drunk and getting into fights anywhere at anytime.

Here comes the third time I have seen How I Met Your Mother. I was cautious during the pilot episode, disappointed during my last forced viewing, and hopeful that it can bring something interesting to the table this time.

This episode is not as revolting and offensively bland as the last one I saw. That doesn’t mean I have laughed yet. Plus, if you noticed, my use of many adjectives in one sentence is a tip that the compliment is backhanded.

There must be some form of television we are all overlooking. Something that isn’t a sitcom and isn’t a drama. Beyond sketch comedy shows, is there another form of humor out there? Sitcoms seem so tired and redundant! They are all one liners and plotlines with more tire tracks than the parking lot of a Wisconsin truck stop.

The show decided to get a little real at the end, which made it much more interesting. If that truth and emotion penetrated the humor throughout the entire it would be fantastic! Maybe they’ll get it right in the second season. Maybe not. Notice how I put the positive “maybe” first? That’s what an optimist does!

A Stephanie centered episode of Full House comes next. Did you know that Stephanie, actress Jodie Sweetin, recently got over an addiction to methamphetamines and has been hired by the Fuse TV network to host a TV show about stripping? Are you surprised that I know so much about Jodie Sweetin? Me too.

While the fellas go out on blind dates, DJ is put in charge of Stephanie.

Wait, Danny was married to Jessie’s sister, who died? I haven’t dipped into the legend and mythology of Full House before.

Oddly enough, Bob Saget has been in two shows in a row this evening. He is the narrator in How I Met Your Mother. And now his children lost his wedding ring down the kitchen sink. Sitcom-tastic!

The men of the house didn’t actually go out on blind dates, they stayed in the house to have dinner while the kids stayed upstairs. Are there any houses this big in San Francisco? You could fit twenty regular homes into their living room. Not to mention the kitchen, downstairs, upstairs, and live in attic.

Do studio audiences really get excited when people kiss? Sure, Dave Coulier trying to swallow someone’s tongue is really sexy. But there is no need to yelp out and hoot.

When faced with the choice of A Simple Life: Till Death Do Us Part and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, I will have to opt for the prince. I don’t want my brain to start leaking out of my nose, after all.

At least the outfits in my two show choices are equally ridiculous.

Wow, two shows in a row with plumbing trouble! Now if I could only find a connection between Beach Patrol: Miami Beach and How I Met Your Mother. Rip tides, no. Drunk teens, no. Life guards, no. Neil Patrick Harris, no. Rats. No connection.

I love when show characters have the same name as their actors. Will Smith plays Will Smith. Wow, really? Usually it is just the first name that matches.

Will Smith as Will Smith is planning to win a Corvette on a game show. The Corvette will be played by a Corvette.

Will Smith must team up with his arch nemesis Carlton to win the Corvette against his stupid friends. Will blew off his friends to play with Carlton. I have a feeling that everything will be reconciled by the end of the episode.

And that is that. Another night of TV down the drain like Bob Sagat’s wedding ring. Many thanks again to Amanda Ziemba of The Like Young for taking part in this madness. You can check out their mySpace page for a sample of their music. You won’t be sorry.