30 Rock wraps up NBC’s two hours of comedy. Liz is back with her dorky boyfriend Dennis, who honked her hooters on the JumboTron.

As Randy Jackson would say, I’m not feeling this episode dog. Dawg? Dogg? Hmmm. I could find out the “correct” spelling in a matter of seconds, but those seconds would be wasted.

Dennis is the beeper king. He sells beepers. Out of a suitcase. That’s okay-ish. Funny, if not a little tired. Dennis did say he saw a rat king. That is sick and amusing.

Tracy got tattoos on his face, and the faces of the other two stars are messed up too.

It was a good night of comedy overall. Ended on a bit of a weak note. But nothing is perfect. And nothing last forever. Here we are, sitting on a planet spinning through space with no means of stopping. What’s a little guy watching TV to do?

Scrubs is back! Scrubs is back! Scrubs is back!

Remember that JD got his girlfriend pregnant? How long has it been since the last season? No matter. JD got drunk on wine, passed out on the gay gazebo, was kidnapped by old gay men, almost married one in Vegas, and ended up running on stage during a Blue Man Group show.

Wow. That would be enough plot or the entire episode, but they did it all in the first five minutes. That’s brilliant.

Sorry, am I writing a blog? I was too busy laughing with my mouth wide open like a dog with his head out the window. There is no use describing the funny things that are happening. Rest assured, there are many. Maybe I should keep a tally of my laughter. But tallies don’t make for very interesting blogging. Maybe if I drew a funny picture of a dog next to the tallies. And the dog would be thinking, “boy, these are sure the man days of summer.” Yeah, this is going to work out great.

Wow, this episode is already over? This night is going fast. That is what happens when you are enjoying yourself. Like Disneyland without the lines. Wait, all the rides suck there. Bah.

This episode of The Office was written by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, creators of the original UK version of The Office. That was a little back story for those of you whose ears and eyes and mouths were stolen by gypsies.

Michael just joked around that Toby was a rapist. I just yelled “what” really loudly. I have so many vocal reactions to this show. So awesome.

Martin, the new black employee, is an ex-convict. There is your uncomfortable situation for the episode. Now watch Michael Scott dance his words around like a drunken Gene Kelly.

Jim is helping Andy hit on Pam. Well, not help. He is giving Andy terrible and incorrect advice. So there is some more hilarity.

It’s hard to quantify how funny this show is. It’s like quantifying the size of the universe. There is just too much of it.

And so, Martin quit. And Michael made up a character called Prison Mike who was used to scare everyone straight about prison. After every episode of The Office, I feel like watching it again right away. Sigh. I love this show.

NBC’s Must See TV is back and better than it has ever been. The two hour block of side splitting comedy starts with My Name Is Earl.

An Xmas episode? Already? It isn’t even December. Oh well, Earl is making a lot of bologna sandwiches for stealing Gay Kenny’s lunch every day in 5th and 6th grade. Proof positive that you can’t catch gay. You’re born that way, people.

Jonathan Slavin is this episode, as the deaf lawyer’s assistant. He is really talented and funny and weird.

Did you know that 3 Lbs was canceled after 3 episodes? The ads on IMDB don’t seem to know that.

After a misstep with the last super sized episode of My Name Is Earl, the show is back on track with tons of odd humor. Like a man who has a problem with stealing pens.

“Comedy Night, Done Right.” Hmmm. That’s an okay slogan, NBC. Let’s try a couple more first. Brainstorm a little bit, okay? You can do it, guys. And gals.

Earl has a gambling problem, and ends up betting on underground chicken Bingo. How can a problem be so hilarious?

And Catalina got deported. So we have a plot for next episode.

Pretty funny episode. Of course, as funny as My Name Is Earl is, The Office will smash it to bits.

One Tree Hill lost the state championship basketball game! They lost the most important thing ever! And now, it’s time to work forwards from one day ago. We know the results, and we will find out how we got there. Sorry, I’m trying to make this show seems somewhat intelligent. Too bad I can’t convince myself.

Ooooo! No theme song tonight! This show just got a million times better! Sure, a million times zero is still zero. But it’s the thought that counts.

Oh no! Cars flying tiny flags are chasing the school bus full of basketball players! I hope it doesn’t run off a bridge into a creek.

The other boys on the basketball team are going to freeze out Nathan so he can’t throw the basketball game. They will try so hard, and meet with tragic consequences. Something beyond just not winning will happen. Probably to Lucas. I think his heart will explode through his face.

This episode of One Tree Hill was blatantly sponsored by Chili’s. Want to know what make me not want Chili’s? One Tree Hill.

It’s half time, with Tree Hill losing, and Whitey gave a sad speech. It’s poor coach Whitey’s last game. Coach Whitey played they greedy guy in Northern Exposure, so it’s easy not to feel bad for him.

And then One Tree won the game. Hold on a second. Something doesn’t add up here.

Oh, I get it. Either they were being tricky or I’m a stupid idiot. Or both. The episode with sad people overdubbed by a broadcast of the Tree Hill team losing. It was a game from 20 years ago that Whitey coached and lost. I hope I wasn’t the only person fooled by that.

It looks like some loan sharks are going to break a few legs now.

ZOMG! Peyton and Lucas are totally together!

ZOMG! The loan shark just ran over Nathan’s pregnant wife. That’s what you get for not throwing the state championship. Then heartless mayor daddy took the blame for beating up and killing the loan shark when Nathan did it. Then Lucas’ heart stopped.

Ah ha. The sad faces from the beginning of the episode were from the end of the episode. This time with a different happy radio broadcast to contrast from the beginning.

That episode was pretty well put together. Yeah, I can admit it. I still hate One Tree Hill, but this was a pretty good one as they go.

My Network TV, which has a worse name than The CW, brings us Desire. It’s a limited run evening soap opera. I like the idea of a limited run evening soap opera. Than means they need to have an end in mind. Also, plenty of ridiculous plot.

Soap operas depend heavily on the transfer of deeds. Deeds to the house. Deeds to the land. Deeds to the hospital. Deeds to the orphanage. Deeds to the moon. It’s all about deeds.

“Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?” The theme song lyrics are really deep. I bet the extended version has a verse about unicorns.

Some older fella with a heavily acne scared face got busted with a bag full of monies. Also some guy with a Spanish accent had a dream about killing his rich and nasty employer. Then he woke up in the front seat of a car. With his employer sleeping in the back seat. I’d be just fine if that scene is never justified. It would delight me and make my belly shake with mirth.

There is some talk about opening a new competitive restaurant and deeds. Restaurant deeds. I didn’t mention that kind. I am ashamed.

Ah ha, another soap opera staple is overheard conversations. So many cases of being in the right place at the right time. Perfect for hearing vital conversation without all that messy quality writing.

I don’t have any more synopsis for you. Everything I have said is just being stirred around and heated into a stew.

Spanish guy is waving a knife at a non-Spanish guy. He is totally pissed about waking up in a car this morning.

Soap operas sure like to waste time. It is no surprise that most of it is filler. If everything you isn’t the most important thing ever, stop talking. Just use your gun and shoot people. That’ll get things moving.

Another thing about soap operas. You can’t tell if the characters are poor liars, or the actors are just bad at acting. It is fun to guess which is correct.

At the end of last episode of Veronica Mars, it appeared that the angry feminists faked all the Hearst College rapes. Now Roni is running down the hall, in a flurry, with head wounds. Curiosity something something cat.

Now it’s two days earlier. So time had passed since last episode, but now it hasn’t. And there is still a rapist at large. And the Greek institution are being dismantled. And Logan is breaking up with Veronica. And, no, that’s it.

William F. Buckley, Jr. is taking a meeting with a cigar chomping fellow who likes to watch sorority girls. Or used to like watching sorority girls when he went the Hearst. That probably isn’t something you grow out of. And now the Dean is hiring Mr. Mars to look in on his wife.

Veronica is crying in the shower. Her water is probably too cold. It is upsetting.

Now the Dean has somehow voted to keep the Greek system on campus. This is all happening very quickly.

The angry feminists are egging and shaking the Dean’s minivan. It probably needed a wash anyway. No harm, no foul.

Veronica is planning on staking out the Pi Sig blowout. The rapist put an ad in the newspaper, somehow, saying he would strike at the party. How can the party not be hoping with a Neil Diamond impersonator. If there is one thing worse than Neil Diamond, it’s a Neil Diamond impersonator.

Hey, it looks like the Dean is going to murder his cheating wife! Or he will be blamed for it. And the season’s mystery will continue.

Veronica found out who was going to be raped next. And we know who it is! Or we would, if I could remember names and faces. Wait, was he at the Pi Sig party taking tickets? I think so. Then Veronica stabbed him with a unicorn. His name is Mercer. It looks like he’s working with the nice RA too. Who, in turn, drugged Veronica after he “saved” her.

Need I say, this is a good episode? Nice and intense for the end of sweeps.

Lucky for Veronica, she found a hammer and also had a rape whistle.

Oh no! The Dean is going to be shot! He said “What are you doing here” to a shadow.

Rapists caught. Problem solved. Hold on a minute! Logan attacked a police car so he could get thrown in jail and beat up the rapists! Brilliant!

And poor Weevil found the Dean shot in the head.

Things are finally starting to look awesome for this season of Veronica Mars. It’s about damn time.

Gilmore Girls doesn’t seem so bad after a night of watching TLC. But then, Lorelai started talking. Sigh.

Lorelai and Christopher are having dinner with Lorelai’s parents. They are a lot of snarky comments, as the wedding was secret and Lorelai announced it on their answering machine.

Now the terrible parents are insisting on a parents. Actually, “terrible” isn’t a very descriptive adjective in this situation. You know, because everyone on this show is terrible.

Logan is back in town for some reason. And Rory is moving in with Paris. I want to say that I hate Paris, but what’s the point? You know how I feel.

Oh no. The driving storyline centers around a knit-a-thon. Here is the big problem. If that was the plot of a The Office episode, I could see all the insane possibilities that the characters could get in to. In Gilmore Girls, I roll my eyes and look at my watch. Characters and writers make a huge difference. Obviously.

Rory, whose writers think it’s clever to have her throw theme parties, is throwing a 2002 party. Keep reaching for the lowest stars, fellas. These stories are golden!

Christopher is a Stars Hollow outsider. Lorelai is concerned about acclimating the town to him. It is a little like scuba diving. If you rise to the surface too quickly, you get the bends. You need to adjust. When happens with the bends? Is it just bubbles in your brain?

Farming analogies? I suppose.

Luke has some dumb subplot too. His daughter is being moved to New Mexico. Why are we waisting our time with Luke? He is not a Gilmore Girl. Is he? Now that would be a plot.

And a baby was born. And Rory is having issues with her friend’s boyfriend. All of this plot annoys and bores me.

Christopher donated all the money needed for the knit-a-thon, promptly ending the knit-a-thon. And Luke wants more to do with his daugh….daugh….yawn! Sorry. Daugher. Yawn.