Two episodes of Doctor Who in one night? I’m a lucky fellow. In this episode, Rose and the Doctor go five thousand or five billion years into the future. All I know is there is a five and a lot of zeros.

It must be billion. After the original Earth burnt out, the nostalgic Earthlings decided to make another Earth, for old time’s sake.

What do you do when you are on the New Earth? Go check out a hospital, of course. Everyone loves a good hospital. Especially when they are going to visit a giant head in a giant jar. The Doctor gets better acquainted with the head while someone brought Rose down to the basement. It was a big flap of skin hooked up to a brain in a jar. Jars jars jars. Mason jars must be sponsoring this episode.

The skin lady zapped herself into Rose’s body. You had to see that coming. It happens every day.

Oh yeah, I’ve been enjoying the new Doctor. He is charming and fun and inquisitive and serious. It is going to be a good second season. Or series. Or second season of the second series.

The cat doctors are growing humans in chambers to test out the cure of all diseases. Oh yeah, cat doctors run this hospital. It’s a Cat Fancy subscriber’s dream.

This skin lady in Rose has some grudge against the Doctor. She has the Doctor trapped in a chamber…oop, he is out. So are all the diseased humans. They aren’t fans of cats. They are very much like zombies. As you should be well aware, I am a fan of zombies. Not that I envy zombies and want to be one. They are just fun.

Wow, cat lady turning into a zombie and then falling many stories to her death. That’s a bit of madness.

The Doctor cured the zombie flesh chamber beings, and now they’re clean. A new fresh version of the human race. It’s fresh like a hotel bathroom, when they fold the toilet paper over into that little triangle point. Fresh human toilet paper points.

All the cats are being arrested. Skin lady floaty sparkle breath is dying. Big head teleported away. Huh. That was a pretty good episode, even if the ending was a bit odd. Heck, the whole thing was a bit odd. The whole series is odd. I like it.

Doctor Who starts off on Christmas, or close to it. The Doctor is in his new form, which confuses the heck out of Mickey and Rose’s mother. Rose is the Doctor’s traveling companion. Because when you want to go on a road trip through space and time you need some company. And not Britney Spears.

Oh, hey! That’s the mum from Shaun of the Dead. She was running for office in a previous episode of Doctor Who. It looks like she got elected. Or she took power. I prefer to think she took power. She might have threatened to release aliens with zippers in their forehead. That would make me give up my seat in the government.

The Doctor is sick, and creepy masked Saint Nicks are trying to blow up Rose and Mickey. I proclaim that a creepy Saint Nick is worse than a scary clown. Imagine the two side by side, and you will feel the same way.

Oh no! Evil spinning Christmas tree! This seems much more deadly than a Dalek. Daleks aren’t remote controlled by creepy Santas.

The pilot fish in Santa outfits are after the Doctor. You’re right, that is a weird sentence, but it is what it is. The Doctor is too full of energy, and all the bad guys can smell his power belches.

The pilot fish, yes yes, weird. The pilot fish are just scavengers, hanging off of something much bigger. And meaner. And scarier than a creepy Santa. Impossible! But we’ll see.

Harriet Jones, from Shaun of the Dead, is Prime Minister. She’s a bit off and goofy, but not wacky and stupid. It’s a good level.

Now scary calf lizard head aliens are coming to Earth. I guess I didn’t need to say “scary.” It was implied. They are called Sycoraxilixacs. Something like that. I’ll call them Syc, because it is easier for me to write and remember. It makes me feel smarter.

The aliens just put a blue spell on a bunch of Earthlings. It makes their heads glows blue. It also makes them go up to the roof. Maybe it makes them blue, as in sad, too. So blue and blue.

1/3 of their world’s population is on a roof somewhere, waiting to jump. That’s quite the hostage situation, Sycs.

The aliens are controlling only humans with A+ blood. And glass just exploded everywhere because of a sonic boom caused by the alien spaceship. I dare say, they are up to no good.

The scary lizard skull was just a helmet! Oh no, they are scary underneath too. The Prime Minister is on the space ship now. A couple of her friends got whipped. And by whipped, I mean whipped with an electronic whip that leaves nothing but a skeleton. You know, whipped.

Rose is captured, but the Doctor woke up and saved the day in the nick of time. The aliens are still in a prime position to cause damage, but the Doctor is a powerful fellow. He isn’t too worried.

How many times has the Doctor saved Earth? We’re rather lucky he has such an affinity for humans. I tend to like humans too. Not all humans. Some of them are jerks.

Wait a minute now, the Doctor’s hand just got cut off. He was more amazed by the fact than in pain. That’s probably shock, or the fact that he is an alien who we keep learning new things about.

No worries, the hand grew back and defeated the alien overlord. The Doctor threw in a comment that he new Arthur Dent. Fantastic. This show is so perfectly goofy and wonderfully put together. Full of ideas and imagination and evil and good.

The Doctor sent the aliens off, never to return. But the Prime Minister decided to blow up their ship as they left. The Doctor was not down with that. And thus, he brought down her rein with a few simple words. What a dandy show.

Supernatural starts its new season tonight. The first season ended on a somewhat half hearted note. This episode seems to pick up well enough though, right where we left off. After a semi rammed Sean’s car, with dad inside too.

Dean is okay and walking around. Wait, scratch that. Dean is lying in a hospital bed, but he is also standing up and looking down at himself. Something, I dare say, isn’t right here.

Sam is okay, their dad is okay, and Dean suffered serious trauma. I can’t call them Sean if one is awake and one is in a little mini sort of coma.

Daddy Sean is worried about his precious gun, and not his dying son. That rhymes. Maybe a character will make a rap about it.

Ooooh, Sean’s dad wanted a bunch of supplies to summon a demon to the hospital, not ward it off. Poppy wants a showdown. And Dean just “Swayzed” a glass to the ground. If they are summoning a demon, that means someone could still die! Yippie!

“If I can grab it, I can kill it.” If someone ever says that to you, run away.

Dean has an almost dead friend to keep him company as he tries to figure out what is going on. There is a scary ghost who likes to be around dying people too. It doesn’t talk and also has breasts. So, almost the perfect women. Except it is a ghost.

Haha, just kidding. Ladies should be able to vote. I will see to it.

Sam just used an Ouija board to talk to Dean. It wasn’t like the pottery scene in Ghost, but what is?

Reaper! The almost dead girl that Dean is hanging out with is a reaper in disguise. This show likes to use pretty girls as bad guys in disguise.

Sean’s dad, you just had to go and summon the demon of all demons, didn’t you? He’s making a deal with the devil now. Literally. There are not too many times that that phrase can be taken literally.

Oh no, Daddy Sean is going to trade places with Dean! That will be his deal with the demon, and he will die! I’m calling that!

The demon just took over the reaper’s body, which is a no-no. No matter, Dean is awake. What of daddy? We’ll see if I am right, after the break of course.

Dean doesn’t remember anything that happened while he was out of his body, now that he is better. And daddy is alive. Boo, I hate being wrong. Almost as much as I coconut. Man, coconut is awful.

Pop Pop had to trade the magic “kill anything” gun to the demon to save Dean, but he had to do more than that. But what? What did he do? What is he doing? Why is he doing?

He whispered it to Dean! What did he whisper? Tell us!

He’s dead! I win! Now that is how you start a season. Are you listening to me, One Tree Hill? This show is great.

The Office is, if possible, even funnier than last season. Let’s hope that the one episode streak of excellence this season continues. Can a single instance be a streak?

Michael’s “fun jeans” are white jeans. Why would he need to pack those? Because it is time for the north western paper company convention. There is a convention for everything.

Pam is going out on a first date while Michael, Jim, and Dwight are hanging out at the paper convention. Pam is going out with a cartoonist from the local paper. I don’t know exactly why, but that seems so depressing. Especially since I am a cartoonist. I think that means that I hate myself.

Michael is trying to get people to come to his room party, and he just asked some dude in a giant Blackberry suit. Who would even think to make that up to write it down so we can see it on TV? That’s brilliant!

How could anyone be watching something else on TV at this time? This show is heads and tails above everything else out there. I am filled with the joy of watching it and the dread that, soon, the episode will be over. That’s good television.

Sorry I didn’t write much. If I take my attention away for too long, I miss laughter. Why would I ever want to miss laughter? If you don’t watch this show, you are missing out on happiness and joy and Lisa Frank folder covers. That’s right, you could be living with a world of rainbows and pink dolphins in your head. Who wouldn’t want that?

My Name Is Earl continues from where the last episode left off, an odd change from last season. It starts with Joy in the jail, where she wound up last episode. But you didn’t need to see last episode to understand this. Many episodes from season one started off with similarly wacky situations. This is just an extra little bonus for people who tune in from week to week.

Yes, Randy! Raisins in candy bars suck! This show is wiser than I thought!

Burt Reynolds guest stars in this episode as the town’s eccentric entrepreneur. Dry cleaning, BBQ, strip clubs. Chubby owns everything. Oh yeah, that’s his name. Chubby. And he has a mustache. It’s Burt Reynolds. He was born with a mustache.

Chubby wants his best stripper back. That just happens to be a friend of Earl and Randy’s, whose name I can’t spell or really remember. She gave a man a heart attack the last time she worked for Chubby, and vowed to never dance again.

This show is so fun and absurd. The characters and situations are delightfully over the top, but not so far gone that the situations are not possible. They would be tough situations to get into, but that’s what sitcom means. See? Sit means “situation” and com means “comedy.” Lessons!

Joy is a “butt bag.” Butt bag? “That’s a bag of butts.” That’s so simple and stupid but so funny and simple. The end!

Damn it! Here is another terrible season of One Tree Hill. The “kids” in this show are seniors in high school. Oh no, and someone is pregnant! At least it caused a car wreck. You don’t see a limo go off a bridge every day.

Oddly, all of the friends were on their way to the same bridge in different cars. There is lots of screaming and panic. It’s nice. Maybe this show isn’t as bad as I thou….oh, there’s the terrible theme song. Never mind. I hate this show.

A couple of kids keep screaming “Nathan.” I think someone in this show is named Nathan. Unless they are mocking someone with a different name. That would be a little odd.

“Three lives hanging in the balance” at the hospital. If someone doesn’t die this episode, I will be very upset. That isn’t much more upset than usual. You probably won’t notice a difference.

The mayor of Tree Hill murdered someone last season. It is safe to assume that all mayors are murderers. Even if you are wrong, at least you played it safe.

Damn, someone else in the hospital is alive. That only leaves one person “hanging in the balance.”

This show is not making my massive migraine any better. Do not take One Tree Hill as a painkiller.

Someone named Cooper just kicked the bucket. Kicked the bucket?

From WordOrigins.org:

It comes from a sense of bucket meaning a yoke or beam from which something can be hung. The imagery evoked by the phrase is that of an animal being hung up for slaughter, kicking the beam from which it is suspended in its death throes.

Correction, Cooper did not kick the bucket. He just flat lined. He’s back now.

Some relationship stuff happened, like it does in every episode.

No death! What a rip!

Who will be America’s Next Top Model? It will not be you or me. Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.

The hair product commercial ratio goes way up when America’s Next Top Model is on the air. It is certainly some sort of government conspiracy.

Melrose just made the cut last time after acting like a diva at her photo shoot. She fell to her knees and cried when she made it to the next round. The other girls think she was being fake. Oddly enough, I believe her. And I don’t believe anybody. Especially not models. They’re always, like, “Aric, you’ll never make it to a size 0.” And I’m all like, “Nuh huh!”

The girls are getting some hair makeovers. Layers? Different colors? Slow down, Tyra. Don’t be too drastic. Whoops, spoke too soon. There will be some long hair falling to the ground. Hopefully none of these models get their strength from their hair. You know, like that Bible guy. Noah. That whale totally choked on his hair and he was spit out.

Now Melrose is crying because she didn’t want her hair changed. Okay, now I’m sick of Melrose and her crying.

The next challenge has the girls trying to impress a Cover Girl executive with a look they put together themselves, makeup and all. This spells disaster. Whoa, Megg was too slow to pick her makeup and missed the elevator. She was eliminated. Bam, bitchy Monique was eliminated. I can’t wait to hear her rant and rage! I will be pissed if she is eliminated.

There is only one phone in the model house, and Monique spent 3 hours and 31 minutes on it. She spent a lot of time talking to her mother, who does nothing but inflate Monique’s giant ego. Ancal, bless her heart, went in to hang up the phone on Monique. She is lucky to get out of there alive. I love watching Monique.

In the final elimination challenge of the episode, the models are having a hair challenge. They brought in weavologists to help with this challenge. Wait, what? Yep, the screen said “weavologist.”

Maybe you do need a degree to be a weavologist. They put spinners in some of the model’s hair! Spinners! No hydraulics though.

Slowly slowly slowly, we make it to the elimination. Monique stays, and that is all I care about. Megan is going home. That doesn’t matter to me. We have another week of insane drama coming up. Go Monique!

The Dirty Jobs host catches shrimp and crawfish in this episode.

Our host dragged the ocean floor for shrimp to help find if it was time to open shrimp season. He caught, mostly, non-shrimp. Puffer fish, crabs, and plenty of slimy things. These all need to be thrown back into the unforgiving sea. I don’t forgive the sea for inspiring The Perfect Storm. That movie was terrible!

Host Mike Rowe is now trying to throw a deadly sting ray overboard. Too soon, Discovery Channel. Too soon.

Horse shoe crabs are creepy! They are the aliens of the sea. Or your creepy next door neighbor of the sea.

Mike is now popping the heads off of the shrimp he caught. The live shrimp. You just pinch and go on to the next one. They are the bugs of the sea. Think of it like swatting a mosquito or kicking a baby.

Next, Floyd brings Mike into the bayou to catch crawfish. Floyd has about 300 traps set up in the murky waters. Crawfish are found on every continent except Africa and Antarctica. I am not found on more continents than that.

You gotta suck da head off dem der crawfish. I thought there was nothing worse than watching someone eat ribs. I was mistaken.

The last “dirty job” of the episode involves tire recycling. Mike is helping clean up an illegal tire dump that is 90,000 tires strong. Tires are usually filled with surprises. Stinky water, mostly. I’m hoping for an angry animal.

Picking up tires isn’t good enough. Now they need to be sorted. And not between tires and things that aren’t tires. That would be too easy. A tree is not a tire. A nurse is not a tire. See, easy.

Tires have been popped and now they are being shredded. Then they go on top of tortilla chips. Just kidding. They go on top of ice cream.