You have just found a letter in the pocket of your light spring jacket that you have not worn for over a year. You open the letter and take out Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy.

This is the second week that I have watched Trading Spouses. I can make it through this show.

Mommy one is a workaholic who goes to France every summer, has kids who go to expensive Catholic schools, runs her own business, and loves going to the theater and opera.

Mommy two is a career counselor who lives in a house of farts. At least, that is the sound that was edited in when we first saw her house. Her husband is a rocket scientist. He really likes raves with techno music. The whole family does not care what people think of them, which is a fine way to go through life, unless you have a camera on you. They do have cameras on them.

Do Not Care man is hoping the new mom is “tasty” and “a bit of all right!” He is creepy and British.

Just to get things straight, we have Do Not Care mom, or DNC mom, and Opera Mom.

DNC dad is wearing a shirt that says “I Am The Man You Are Looking For.” Remember, he is a rocket scientist. He works on rockets.

Opera dad is trying really hard to think of what to say to DNC mom. It looks like his brain is drowning. Opera son just said British people have always been disturbing to him. Is that racist?

Opera mom is not fond of the suburbs, where she is now with the rocket scientist. Opera mom and DNC family are getting drunk on Champaign straight off. It is actually a good plan, because they are trying to loosen her up. Maybe DNC dad is really is a rocket scientist. Whoops, until Opera mom passed out on the couch. Good job, DNC dad.

This Famous Footwear commercial is singing “Shoe love…is true love” to me. That statement is probably false.

Opera dad was up at 6 am doing work. That is fine. I get up at 6:30 am each day to go to work. You can not fault a man for being a good worker.

DNC dad is working out in, what looks like, Speedos. That is why he is called Do Not Care dad. Opera mom has a hangover. I bet she blames it on the suburbs. “Getting Patti (Opera mom) drunk was a real success,” said the rocket scientist. I wonder what he thought about the moon landing.

DNC mom does not know what to do, since a maid is doing all the cleaning for her. So she is drinking tea. Lots of tea. If you see a British person drinking lots of tea, you know that they are nervous. Is that racist?

Opera man likes to retire to places. Retire to the living room. Retire to the dining room. Wherever there is wine, you can retire to it. You can also make people feel like crap by inviting an etiquette coach to dinner. Sure, you may be 50 years old, but it is never too late to learn how to use a knife correctly.

Opera family and DNC mom are waiting to go to dinner as Opera dad will not get off the phone with work. He said “just a couple minutes” right after he said “20 minutes would be great” to the person on his phone. Opera dad also talks like he loves the sound of his own voice. It pisses me off.

I seem to be slowly slipping down in my chair as the show continues. Can you see that on the webcam? Is it a proper gauge for my attitude?

Opera mom is being treated to a new experience at a Moroccan restaurant, and she is put off that people are not eating with knives and forks. I guess culture is only safe to enjoy if it is opera.

Opera dad is ready to go into a rage because he is not allowed to work all weekend, and he must spend time with his children. His children seem perfectly wonderful, except for the son that is weirded out by British people.

DNC family is taking Opera mom paintballing. This is how people snap and lose their mind. I wish she still had her hangover. Opera mom got shot in the hand is crying like a little baby. It is a good thing she did not skin her knee. I hope someone buys her ice cream.

Haha! I made it through another week! Thank you all very much for joining me in this experience. I will see you all again next week! Tell everyone you know, and keep voting!