Sorry folks, it looks like they moved Britney Spears’ Secret Childhood to another night. Since the votes for the show were so high, I will dip out of prime time for a special viewing of Britney Spears’ Secret Childhood at 6pm on April 12th.

But tonight, we watch Ghost Whisperer.

From what I can tell it is The Sixth Sense, but starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. That is just after one minute of watching though. There are 59 minutes left to judge the show.

Boy, there are a lot of ghosts. Buckets of ghosts. Barrels, even. The price for crude barrels of ghosts is pretty low though. We would do well to look into ghost burning automobiles.

Ghost Whisperer fell down and knocked her noggin. How can she solve ghost murders if she is unconscious? If this show ends up like Sliding Doors, I am going to be super pissed.

Ghost Whisperer is in a coma, and is having a lame dream about woods and tigers and a terrible goth dress. And…now she is out of the coma. That was a gripping two minutes. The end.

I do not think Ghost Whisperer heard me. I said “the end” but it is still going.

Ghost Whisperer has a ghost dog. Do not get too excited. It is not Forest Whitaker.

When Ghost Whisperer…you know, I’m just going to call her Smiley. She smiles more than anybody has a right to. So Smiley can not see ghosts after she wanged her head. This disturbs her. Normal people would be relieve not to see ghosts anymore. Not Smiley. She like’s pain and the unknown. Like me, I guess.

Boy oh boy, Smiley has big teeth. Like a horse’s are her teeth.

No matter, she is on the case of a boyfriend haunting his girlfriend. Without her whispering powers, she will have to depend of faking it like all real life psychics.

Obviously, Smiley’s coma dream will help her solve the mystery of the boyfriend haunting. How long until Smiley figures that out? Oh, just till after the commercial break. I guess I am not too far ahead of the curve on my guessing.

Girlfriend’s boyfriend died playing football. She just imagined she saw a football that was breathing. Do I even have to ask how stupid that is? Sure, we would all be freaked out if we saw a breathing football. But in a TV show? Maybe if it was bleeding too. Nope, that still would not do it. What would make a breathing football truly scary?

Here comes another terrible dream sequence. Give me something out of Twin Peaks at least. That red room was freaky. This is just tired.

Midway point. This show is so boring! The pacing, the characters, the dialogue, the plot, the dreams, the idea behind the show. Boring!

Maybe if I pretend that I am watching a grown up version of Calvin & Hobbes. There is a tiger and people that only Smiley can see. Bill Watterson should sue. If he does not sue for all of those Calvin pissing on Ford decals, he probably would not sue for anything.

Girlfriend just saw visions of red and windows exploding and her boyfriend bleeding from his ears. Just another Friday night.

Whine whine whine, Smiley. Whine whine whine.

Do you understand how hard it is not to bring up a PopCap game while this terrible show is playing? It is so hard! A round of Bejewled would calm the nerves, but instead I have to watch this drivel.

Smiley will now be called Whiney, because I am really disliking her. Whiney has just found out that ghosts are getting stolen or whisked away or something. So the bump on her head was just a coincidence.

Found boyfriend. Things resolved. Sugary talk. Super sugary talk. This is going down hard. Mary Poppins did not know what she was talking about. This was worse that C-SPAN! I am going to look up any critics that enjoy this show and write them a stern letter.

The whole show is like a 5th grade house of horrors! Oh no, sheets and chains! Good work, children.