Everyone, give a warm hello to Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy. The show is like Wife Swap, except with money to add more drama.

This is part two of a two part episode. From the preview, it looks like a religious mom traded places with a sci-fi loving mom. The producers for these shows are so evil. I would like to give them a big hug. The people in these shows are so unbending.

Wow! Religious father just said he would not compromise his standards of neatness just to spend an extra hour with his children. I know it is only March, but the contest for Father of the Year is over! Give this man the trophy!

The other nerd internet goth sci-fi whatever family seems pretty out of it too. They do not spend time together, and the daughter does not want to go sailing with the rest of the family. What kid would not want to go sailing? Maybe if they tempted her with a captain’s hat and ascot she would change her tune.

The hi-tech family has so many awkward silences, it is awesome. It is like an episode of The Office.

The mothers seem like very reasonable people. It is the families they are put with that seem odd. It is almost as if when the mothers switched back, it would still be as awkward.

Sci-fi mom just played a prank on religious dad. He got a little wet. Now he is blowing up at her. This man hates children. Unless they are dirty. Then he can clean them. Religious dad seems to forget that sci-fi mom gets to decide what is done with his reward money at the end of the show.

Sci-fi dad is walking into Fuddruckers with a lightsaber. Now they are putting him into a stormtrooper outfit. It is all sort of sweet, because he is trying to bond with his wife’s Star Wars friends and it is working.

They just showed a preview for 24, which you voting bastards have got me hooked on now. Thanks. I am actually excited to watch it again.

The mothers will now decide what the other family’s $50,000 dollars goes towards. This is going to be really good. The fan is going to be hit by something sticky and smelly.

However, before the fan hitting with the brown, the wives meet each other and have a talk. Neither of the wives are hearing what the other is saying. They got nothing out of this experience. If they stopped judging other people and judged themselves, maybe they would see some truth. Yes, I am judging this show and these people. I make the rules, I can break them.

Star Wars wife totally screwed the religious family on the money. Self-improvement classes, computers, Star Wars toys, and the internet. Both families have money going to their kid’s college funds. So it is not all bad. It is awfully funny though. They have no desire to have computers or Star Wars action figures or anything to do with the outside world.

So another TV program where people’s lives are turned upside down. No bigger shockers here, but it was an enjoyable program that made me laugh a couple of times. It would be much better if you were doing something else while watching it, like knitting or math. Just get out one of your many complex math problems and work away!

Nothing like out of town guest to throw a wrench into your time frame. So I am late in getting to my America’s Funniest Home Videos blog. I could say I am sorry, but I am not. Sure, I missed some people getting hit in the nuts, but that is it. Let us move past it and continue forward.

I have not seen this show since the days of Bob Saget. It used to be a Sunday ritual with the family, I believe. Or Friday. It was some day of the week, that is for sure. I remember enjoying myself quite a bit. That does not mean it was quality.

With all of this in mind, I do love seeing people get hurt. This show has that in spades.

You know, these could be the exact clips they showed 15 years ago. Perhaps terrible home videos are cycler in their entertainment value. The same goes for terrible one liners about the terrible home videos.

If you want to be cool, you can call the show AFV. That is what all the kids are calling it. “You catch AFV last night dude?” “Naw, I was out murdering some fool.” You know, use it like that.

On a side note, What About Brian? looks terrible. Stay far away from ABC from now on!

The voting contraptions on the show do not seem to have changed in 15 years. They are still as large as wheel of cheese.

Someone won. It does not matter. And that is the show. It makes me sad that Trace Beaulieu of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame, is a head writer for the show. How the mighty have fallen.

Unlike the almost themed nights of the past week, tonight’s TV viewings had no connection at all. The television glowed with a dim blue hue as Survivorman, South Park, and M*A*S*H wormed their way into my brain and out of my fingers.

Survivorman was actually a really good show. The program does a fantastic job of letting you know that this crazy man is actually all alone in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a few supplies and multiple cameras.

There were two episodes tonight. In the first one Survivorman was alone in a desert canyon, living off of plague filled rats. He accomplished his goal of surviving for 7 days. Hooray!

The second episode had him stranded in the arctic, trying to get back to civilization in 7 days. He failed miserably in the arctic. He was running on very little food. He did not have enough energy to make a proper igloo. He was screwed. When his 7 days were up, he was still 2 days away by dogsled from his destination.

This was reality television. Not people in a house complaining about who ate the last granola bar. Man against the elements, and losing. Good work, Survivorman. You are a terrific program.

South Park was South Park. Smart humor and social commentary disguised as crude jokes. Nothing new to report here.

M*A*S*H was an odd thing to watch. I would be interested to see how many people are actually watching reruns of M*A*S*H every night. One man’s M*A*S*H is another man’s Seinfeld, I guess. As much as I like seeing George Costanza flubbing up everything he does, someone else likes to see Hawkeye stick it to Frank on a daily basis.

You are not a bad show, M*A*S*H. You are just not the sitcom for me. Do not feel bad, you have done very well for yourself.

For tonight’s last show I am watching M*A*S*H. Wait, what? Seriously? You voted for M*A*S*H? Why would you do that? That does not even make any sense!

So here I am, watching M*A*S*H. I could be sitting and laughing at my Tivoed episode of My Name Is Earl with my wonderful wife, but I am alone in the computer room watching a rerun of M*A*S*H. Seriously, I am a stupid man.

Oh yeah, this show has a laugh track. That throws me off. This show does not have twenty something or middle aged people sitting around in their living rooms, so why is there an audience? And why do I find it acceptable for a laugh track to be in a living room?

There is not a laugh track in the operating room though. Is that a choice done by Alan Allda, director of this episode? I bet this is some bit of trivia I do not know. This might come in handy during my next Trivial Pursuit game. I must find the answer.

This episode is revolving around bad luck. It is titled “Exorcism” and it happens to be Friday the 13th. Lights are going out, equipment is failing, the PA system is not working. What kind of social commentary is this?

When I was a young lad, the only reason I even knew about M*A*S*H was because Big Bird had a teddy bear that had the same name as one of the characters. Was that on purpose? Am I stumbling upon all sorts of trivia?

Some Korean fellow stepped in front of an ambulance to scare the evil spirits out of him. That sounds like a terrible idea. That sounds like something the evil spirits are actually telling you to do. Score one, evil spirits.

I have never watched much M*A*S*H. A lot of these jokes would probably be better if I cared a little more about the characters.

Hey, M*A*S*H was from back in the day when men dressing as women was unusual. It does not really carry over as well into these modern times.

Reluctantly, the crew lets a local Korean exorcist in to get rid of the evil spirits, which stupid dumb head guy keeps blathering about being a bad idea. Surprise surprise, everything starts working again.

I guess we should all be accepting of different cultures. Or something. I am not sure. I am tired, and I just watched an episode of M*A*S*H. Good night.

Tonight I watch South Park, which is a show I watch often enough and find quite funny. It is a new episode tonight too, which is keen. It will be nice to see what they follow up the terrible gruesome death of Chef with.

This episode revolves around hybrid cars. Kyle’s dad has gotten a hybrid car and now feels he is better than everyone else. Like all environmentalists.

So Kyle’s family moves to San Francisco, to be more progressive. In San Francisco, all the progressive people are farting and taking deep, satisfying inhales of their own fumes. I almost peed my pants.

So hybrids do not emit as much toxins so it lowers smog, but they are the leading cause of smug pollution. Very nice, South Park, very nice.

I admire South Park because they do not take crap from anybody. The show is not stupid either. There are very smart points veiled in both crude and pointed humor.

A play by play reaction to an animated half hour comedy show does not make much sense, as it is almost a retelling of the jokes in the episode. There must be a proper way to blog about this show.

I suppose I could say if it was a hit or miss episode. I would say it is a hit. Unless it ends in a riot. Riots are lazy copouts by script writers. We will have to wait and see if that happens.

No riots. A pretty good episode overall with some food laughs. Lots of harsh barbs and hard laughs. Congrats on a killer second episode of your season, South Park! That is all.

Tonight I watch Survivorman, and I am being sponsored by the good folks at SnapStream! SnapStream produces a product called Beyond TV, which allows you to watch and record TV on your computer if you have a TV tuner. I have used their product for years upon years, and am actually using it right now to watch TV while I blog about it! Check them out!

So this Survivorman. He is out in the wilderness alone for seven days in different locations each episode. No crew, no cameramen. Just himself, limited supplies, and the cameras that he has to lug around everywhere.

Right now he is mushing up some stuff in his mouth and putting it on a stick to catch a mouse. A mouse to eat. After he crushes the mouse with a rock. He has a trap set up all Rube Goldberg like.

Hey look! Now he has found some garbage lying around in the middle of nowhere that he is going to use to make tea from some green stuff he found. That sounds like a good plan.

Night has passed, and it is time to check for flat mice. It looks like he got himself a ground squirrel. He must cook it really well, because it might have the plague. Might have the plague? Are we seriously worried about the bird flu if this guy is eating plague filled rodents?

He is saving the bones to eat in the morning. Not the meat on the bones, the actual bones. I have a feeling he is part ogre.

So he is done with the desert episode, full of rodent that might have the plague. Okay, on to the Canadian arctic episode.

He is 1,100 miles from the nearest tree. It is all ice. And snow. And cameras.

He is also left with a broken snowmobile, which he is using very creatively. Building a shelter with it, using part of it to scoop snow, rubbing grease on his face. It is all getting pretty kinky. He actually works until 3am. He does not realize this because it is light out all of the time.

Commercial break, good. Now I can try and form some opinions. Let me see. This guy knows his stuff, and puts everyone on the show Survivor to shame. He is not saying things like “I hate leaves.”

Compasses do not work where he is, because he is so close to magnetic north.

The producers made him take a gun with him. Because of polar bears.

Now he is eating raw seal meat. If he eats meat without fat for too long, he will get protein poisoning. You hear that, Atkins people? Protein poisoning! Then diarrhea hits. This is not news to anyone on Atkins.

I like this guy. He admits that this is all a pretty stupid idea. There are a large amount of things that can kill him or hurt him. Snow blindness, frostbite, polar bears, low TV ratings. He does have an upbeat attitude and a mind for sarcasm.

Right now I want to see a polar bear. I will feel screwed if I do not see a polar bear. Oooh, polar bear tracks. 30 feet from where he was sleeping. Wish and ye shall receive.

He tried his hardest to make an igloo and he went about it all well, but he is just exhausted. He resolved to sleeping in a half built igloo that will keep him safe from the wind. Poor guy. All he has to wake up to is raw seal meat.

That is not all he wakes up to! Close to his igloo he found some grass. After being in the snow so long. He is elated. He is so damn happy to see and touch grass. I would say it is cabin fever, but what cabin?

Now he is starting a fire with his gun. Or trying to. It is failing horribly. Until about the seventh try. This guy is having such a high rate of failure. It is very sad and very hilarious at the same time.

By day 7, the final day he is given to get back to civilization, he is still 2 days away from civilization. 2 days by dogsled. He is lucky, and catches a ride with an innuit hunter.

This Survivorman guy is tough as nails but still failed. I do not think any of us have hopes of surviving in the arctic. At least we will get to feed some hungry polar bears.

That show was not as uplifting as I hoped. I like it!

Sorry boys and girls. As much as I would love to watch Will & Grace, I have out of town relatives in this evening. I am moving the 7pm television viewing to 9pm. Go now, quickly, and vote for which 9pm shows I should watch this evening here and here.

Without first realizing it, last night I was banished to an evening full of UPN shows. America’s Next Top Model and Veronica Mars hit me in the back of the head with a folded up chair while the referee was distracted. That was a dirty trick, UPN.

America’s Next Top Model was first on the plate of TV show dinners, not to be confused with TV dinners. There was no individual pocket of oddly textured brownies here. In its place were models who were trying their best to be their best. Some were succeeding and some were failing horribly.

Gina, namely, was failing horribly. She was acting like the friend who no one invited to a party but shows up anyway and is making vain half-hearted attempts to be fun and confident. The show edits were dealing her a poker hand full of Tarot death cards. She really had no chance when the end of the show came. She was out on her ass.

It was only a tought decision for the judges due to her very high cheek bones. I wish someone would give me the benefit of the doubt due to my bone structure. “He is certainly unqualified, but did you get a load of the femur on him?”

Veronica Mars was a very pleasant surprise, as two cast members from Arrested Development had healthy parts in the episode. Michael Cera played a college tour guide while Alia Shawkat played your average college girl who got raped. Ohhhh. So these guest parts are not going to be all fun and games. Okay then.

This episode focused more on the actual investigation of Veronica Mars and not her dad. I mean, Second Fiddle. That is his name now, since I have not caught his real name in two whole episodes. That does not mean they have not said it. I am just busy trying to keep the blonde girls from getting mixed up in my mind again.

Veronica does not solve the mystery, but she does do some solid sleuthing to get her ex-boyfriend Troy off of the hook. There was some other plot, but it was not really important.

Then, in the last two minutes of the show, they remembered that they had an ongoing storyline that needed some plot progression. A whole bunch of stuff was blurted out, I got confused, and then the show ended. What was all of that then? Explosives again and that Cook guy. I hope next episode has a cook preparing an explosive sort of lamb entree smothered in a mint jelly sauce.